On October 12th, 2016, I got onto a plane in Minneapolis and moved to England. It was the culmination of a dream I’ve had for what seems like forever, and it was the chance to finally get to live legally in the same country as the person I love.
EDIT: This is now one of my most popular posts of all time. It was written in October 2017 – to catch up on my more current thoughts, keep reading until the edit at the end of the post.
What a wild ride it has been since then.
Living abroad in and of itself is a huge step, and does not come without significant struggles. In the last several months, I have struggled so much living in Britain. Since I’ve moved, I have questioned (very, very seriously) as to whether or not this was the right choice, and whether I want to stay and “stick it out.” (“It” being living permanently in England.)
Before I moved last October, I’d already lived in England before—I studied abroad for my junior year of college in Nottingham, during the 2013-2014 academic year. But studying abroad and living abroad are so completely different (not least because Nottingham and York are very different cities!), and living abroad comes with a whole lot of systems and complexities that are frustrating at best.
So often, people tell me that I’m “living the dream” and that my life is “perfect.” “England is so amazing,” they tell me. “I’d give anything to be able to live in England like you,” they say.
The truth?
Living in England really sucks sometimes. So much more than any of those people realize.
As a travel blogger, it’s all too easy to paint every experience abroad as wonderful and amazing and inspirational. But I want to be honest—brutally so—because just like traveling, life abroad is never as perfect as it looks online.
Here are 15 harsh truths I’ve discovered about living in England.
1) Council tax.
One of my biggest frustrations about the systems in place in England is council tax. Council tax is a local tax, usually done by the city or county you live in. The Council is responsible for all of the local things—streetlights, garbage collection, libraries, police and emergency services, etc. The reason I hate council tax is because it’s not a normal tax—you have to pay it separately, it’s not automatically deducted from a paycheck. This is because it is not technically income-based—how much council tax you pay depends on where you live and the size of your residence. So even if you aren’t employed and aren’t receiving paychecks, you still have to pay council tax. (Students are exempt from paying council tax, and in theory if you are on welfare/benefits you won’t have to pay either. But as I have no access to public funds through my visa, even when I didn’t have a job I was still paying council tax.)
I fundamentally disagree with tax that is not income-based. I think how much tax you pay should always depend on how much money you’re making—otherwise it’s not fair. It is also so hard not to be extremely frustrated when the everyday, tangible things your council tax pays for don’t go right—like when it took the Council 6 days after collection day to pick up the trash on our street (after several phone calls and being unable to open the windows due to the smell and flies/mice on the street). Council tax is such a massive frustration and one that I was not expecting at all when I moved.
2) There is literally trash everywhere
Britain has to be one of the dirtiest countries I’ve ever been to. I know not every place can be as clean as Minsk or Moscow, but in general, England is full of trash. It is everywhere. There are also very very few garbage cans anywhere. This is due in part to the IRA bombings in the 1970s and 1980s that targeted trashcans. But my one of my first impressions of England was running around Liverpool Lime Street train station trying to desperately find a trashcan. There wasn’t a single one. And with no trashcans, there is just garbage and shit everywhere. Litter and cigarette butts and trash is everywhere, in the streets, on the highways, on the sidewalks, on the road, etc. It is absolutely disgusting. The exception to this is national parks/protected nature areas, like the Peak District and the Lake District—those mercifully don’t have trash everywhere (yet?!). But pretty much everywhere else does. It can come as a bit of a shock, considering that Britain is meant to be a world leader but can’t (literally!) clean up after itself.
Also, York doesn’t have dumpsters, so the above photos are what the city streets look like in the morning on collection day: literally full of garbage and recycling in the streets.
EDIT: Also, the city of York does not recycle plastic. The only plastic that can be recycled from the curb is plastic drinks bottles. It is 2019 and a city this large STILL does not recycle plastic. Embarrassing.
3) Racism.
The racism is by far the thing I was least prepared for moving to England. I just wasn’t expecting racism of this level in this country. This post isn’t the place to talk about Brexit, which broke my fucking heart (that’s a post for a whole other time). But racists have been emboldened since Brexit, and the attitude to foreigners is appalling. And for me, this comes from a place of privilege as a white American. I have never been scared for my physical safety here, and for that I am extremely grateful. But the racism in this country is overwhelming.
Perhaps as a student I didn’t realize this that much, or maybe England just wasn’t this way before the Brexit vote. York is also a very “white” city to live in, and there isn’t very much diversity here, which might skew my perspective a bit. But British people can be obscenely, horribly, awfully racist. I say this as an American, and as someone who lived most of their life in the US—which is extremely racist and notorious worldwide for its discriminatory approach to foreigners and racial/ethnic minorities.
The racism and micro-agressions are hard to deal with. It’s so hard to deal with. A woman once went off on me at work for making her tea “wrong,” because “you’re in England, and we make tea this way.” Sometimes it’s just customers at work asking me far-too-personal questions. Sometimes it’s customers at work shouting country names at me (“CANADA?”) and thinking that’s appropriate—whereas if I wasn’t white and American, it would be obviously racist to do that (you wouldn’t just shout “POLAND? PAKISTAN?” at someone!!!). The micro-aggressions are small, but each one builds up to create an atmosphere of racism that is fundamentally exhausting. I had no idea there was so much racism here. And not only is it difficult to put up with, it is also extremely disappointing.
EDIT: The major racist incidents I’ve experienced since writing this have unfortunately been much worse than the ones I listed here.
4) Immigrants have it tough
Besides the racism, life can also be a real struggle as an immigrant. I pay (federal) tax but get next to nothing for it—members of government that I can’t vote for, a benefits/welfare system I’m barred from accessing (even though I’m paying into it), “free” healthcare that I paid £600 for as part of my visa. Not being able to vote was extremely hard in the election in June—and what was worst, British people talking to me about how they weren’t going to vote, when I would have given anything to vote! On top of this, there’s visas and the expenses associated with them. The fees for a visa are embarrassingly higher than how much it costs to process. 70 million bank accounts will now be checked after January 2018 in an effort to catch out illegal immigrants—and will undoubtedly affect legal migrants (LIKE ME!) as well.
It can be so exhausting, especially when I paid so much money to be here. I am so grateful that I have made several friends at work who are foreigners as well (one from Latvia and one from Thailand), who understand my frustrations. Because it is so hard to be a foreigner in England when you feel like the entire system is rigged against you. And people just don’t understand until it’s directly effecting them.
5) The economy is sliding downhill
The British economy is not doing well these days. The pound dropped to its lowest rates in the history of the currency following the Brexit vote. While that was nice for me when all my money was in dollars and I was converting into pounds, it’s pretty painful now that all my money is in pounds and I still have to convert it to dollars to pay my credit card and student loans every month. When I lived in Nottingham, the exchange rate was roughly £1=$1.65 or £1=$1.68. Now it’s about £1=$1.30. That’s a huge drop. It’s shocking. Butter has jumped from £1 to £1.37 at my grocery store in the year since I’ve lived in York. Other things have gotten more expensive, and it will only get worse after Brexit. The worst part, is that too many British people don’t realize how their economy is tanking, and will refuse to acknowledge it and never talk about it. Which is frustrating in and of itself.
EDIT: The economy has gotten even worse since writing this. Yay.
6) Finding a job can be really hard
I say this as I’ve been seriously job hunting for 8 weeks. This is probably true for foreigners in most countries, but it is still tough in England. Although it’s illegal for most employers to discriminate based on nationality, I do feel like I’ve lost out on many opportunities (and at least the chance for an interview) because people look at my application, see that most of my work experience is in the US (and I used to put one of my references from the US), and just throw it out. Without connections and a good network, it can be really difficult to find a job. This has been a major struggle for me. Also, most jobs pay monthly, so you just get one lump sum and need to budget it out throughout the month. This is opposed to in the US, where paychecks are generally bi-weekly. Oh, and if you work two jobs, your second job can be taxed nearly 50%. Good luck trying to pay rent with a tax return in April.
7) The weather can be seriously depressing
England is known for its rain. It always rains. And if it’s not raining, it’s going to rain soon. This is a great joke until you’re actually living there, and it’s raining constantly, every single day. This can also lead to major mold problems (I’m not looking to fighting the Mold Wars 2.0 with my house this winter…). I get seasonal effective disorder pretty bad in winters in Minnesota, with the soul-numbing cold. But I also got it quite a bit this spring and summer, when I’d be stuck inside at work on a nice sunny day (and the worst part is when customers come up and say, “Oh it’s such a nice, sunny day today!” I wouldn’t know, I’ve been stuck in here for 8 hours serving people like you coffee). The weather can be consistently grey and mentally draining and depressing in Britain.
8) Trying to drive on the wrong side of the road is the worst thing ever
I’m working now on trying to learn how to drive on the wrong (left) side of the road. It is one of the hardest experiences I’ve ever had. Despite driving for nearly 10 years, and learning to drive on a manual, learning how to drive on the wrong side of the road is frustrating, infuriating, and downright painful. Everything is opposite, you constantly get scared of cars coming towards you, and you drive far too close to the left (because there’s a whole goddamn car on that side!!). It is so much harder than I thought it would be. And don’t even get me started on roundabouts.
9) Transportation is ridiculously expensive
One of my favorite things about the UK has always been its public transportation system—you can get all over the country without needing a car. But the flip side of this is that all transportation is insanely, painfully expensive in this country. Prices for train tickets have been constantly rising for years, even though the level of service and punctuality/reliability of trains has decreased (I’ve noticed this particularly from 2013-2014 in Notts and now). It is generally cheaper to fly from the north (Edinburgh/Glasgow or Newcastle) to London, than it is to take a train. Public city buses in smaller towns can be ludicrously expensive (£4 to go 15 minutes down the road). And gas (or petrol, as the Brits say) is so expensive it hurts—despite our small, relatively fuel-efficient car, it costs at least £50 (roughly $68) to fill our car up. I know that not every country in the world can have gas as cheap as America. But when public transportation is expensive as well, it just seems like there’s no way to win.
10) Brits can seem very fake—and they’re the Americans of Europe
I am blessed and incredibly fortunate to know many wonderful British people here, including a very cute husband. But Brits are notoriously passive aggressive and avoid conflict, and this can sometimes come off as very fake and superficial. It can also be very counterproductive and time consuming to jump around a subject instead of being direct with it. It’s hard to tell when Brits are genuinely interested/happy/upset/any emotion ever, instead of just being polite. And I cannot stand fake people.
Some British people also think they’re at the center of the world in Britain, and they’re not. This is something I have a lot of experience with—there are so many Americans who believe that the world revolves around the US of A (news flash: it doesn’t). It has also taken me about a year, but I’ve also realized that stereotypical Brits are the Americans of Europe. They’re the tourists that refuse to learn/speak any local language and believe everyone should speak English, they stick to holidays in Spain and never go outside their comfort zone, they’re the big partiers who cause massive problems when drunk on stag dos (bachelor parties) in European hotspots or at airports.
This is by no means to say every British person travels this way!! I have many British friends and have met countless Brits abroad who challenge this stereotype in every single way. But just like the stereotype of American tourists is the socks-and-sandals and fannypacks, there is a stereotype of British tourists abroad as well. And I often get the impression that other Europeans feel about British tourists the way most of the world feels about American tourists—a bit exasperated with them. As a traveler, I’m an unofficial ambassador and represent my country abroad—and as an American, I love breaking down peoples’ stereotypes and expectations. Many Brits do this as well, which is wonderful.
11) The country is very London-centric
London sometimes seems to be the center of the universe when you live in the UK. And if you don’t live in London, it sucks. Everything happens in London, everyone wants to go to London, everything about London is expensive, all transport is centered on London, and most people struggle to grasp the idea that not everyone lives/wants to live in London. This is true for both British people and foreigners—I still get comments about “living in London,” when I have never lived in London… ever… The country has so much else going for it besides the capital, but it can still be frustrating if you don’t live in London. So news flash: I love London but I DO NOT live there!
12) The healthcare is “free” but not necessarily great
The NHS (National Health Service) is technically free, but as an immigrant I paid an “immigration health surcharge” as part of my visa to get onto it—so it’s not free for me. While in general, I think the NHS is great and walking out of a doctor’s office without paying a co-pay was a wonderful feeling, there are problems. It’s not easy to get appointments—in most places, you’ll need to wait about 3 weeks before you can get an appointment. This is extremely difficult for me, as I don’t know my work schedule more than a few days in advance. I haven’t used the dental services yet, but right now I’m not impressed: the first appointment I could get was for 7 weeks away. The only appointment in the late afternoon Adam could get was THREE MONTHS away. That’s three (3!!!) months of waiting. While I definitely prefer this system, as it means people aren’t going bankrupt from hospital bills like they do in the US, it isn’t without its drawbacks—no system is ever perfect.
EDIT: Just to clear up some confusion, I am happy to pay for healthcare. I am happy to pay so that no one is dying or going bankrupt due to medical conditions/accidents/life happening. I do think it is unfair that I have pay for it twice over (when some people pay nothing at all for it), but I don’t have a problem with paying for healthcare. However, the NHS is very slow unless your life is in danger. Getting appointments can be very, very difficult. This can be very frustrating.
13) The language barrier is real
So many people (myself included) think that since English is the official language in England, there is no language barrier. This is an absolute fucking lie. There is such a huge language barrier, but since it’s “technically” the same language, people don’t see it as an actual barrier. Trousers are pants and pants are underwear, lifts are elevators and lorries are trucks, chips are fries and crisps are chips, rubbers are erasers (NOT CONDOMS!), “murdering an Indian” is not a racist act of violence but voraciously eating a curry, and cheers is a catch-all phrase that can mean thank you or fuck off depending on the tone of voice. Pronunciation is different, accents vary (see below…), and I have frequently had no idea what people are talking about. The language barrier is real and present and it is not as easy as English-speaking foreigners think it is.
14) There is no one “British accent”
One of the biggest shocks of living in England is realizing that there is no one single “British accent” that much of the rest of the world thinks exists. While yes, you can easily tell that Scottish accents aren’t the same as English accents, it’s worth knowing that there are literally thousands of “British” accents in England. Adam and I met once met a guy in Montenegro and within about 10 seconds of this guy opening his mouth, Adam leans over to me and says, “he’s from about 20 minutes of where I’m from.” How did he know that?!? Because English accents are incredibly localized, and the accent will change possibly every mile depending on where you are. People from Liverpool sound nothing like people in Cornwall, people from Derbyshire will sound completely different to people from Yorkshire, and people from Newcastle sound like they’re speaking a different language altogether (sorry Geordies). I struggled for weeks understanding one of my managers’ accents (and sometimes I still have to ask two or three times what she said). The accents are incredibly diverse for a country as geographically small as Britain.
During my year in Nottingham, I was able to identify Northern and Southern accents. That was about it. Now, I can sometimes tell a Scouse (Liverpool) or Brummie (Birmingham) accent. I know a Geordie (Newcastle) accent only because I honestly can’t understand a single word that’s being said. That’s about as far as I’ve gotten. So if you think you “know” a British accent, you’re wrong—there’s too many of them to ever try to know.
15) Nothing is open late, and major stores that sell everything don’t really exist
This is pretty common to most places in Europe, but as it’s a major frustration for me sometimes, I wanted to include it on this list anyway (my blog, I can do what I want). Even in a large town like York, it’s hard to get things done or go shopping in the evenings. Most businesses in town close around 5:00pm, with a handful of stores staying open to 7:00pm or so. I’m used to being able to go to Target until 10:00pm and buy literally everything I need there. Luckily, most supermarkets are open in the evening (until 10:00pm or so), and corner shops or small locations of big-name chains (like Tesco and Sainsburys) will be open late as well. But everything closes early on Sundays—so good luck buying groceries at a supermarket after 4:00pm.
Also, there are no giant superstores that sell everything you need. There is no Target equivalent. In order to do all your shopping, you’d need to go to Primark (for clothes), Boots (for toiletries/pharmacy things/makeup), and your local Tesco/Sainsburys/Morrisons (for food). So often I have to ask the question of “where can I buy this one specific thing?” Because there is no Target where you can buy everything all in one. Again, this is common across Europe (you’ll need to go to a butcher, a bakery, and a veg market to buy all your food), but it can still be really frustrating. I miss Target everyday.
So there you have it. 15 harsh truths about living in England. One final thing? Regardless of whether you’re in England or anywhere else around the world, living abroad is lonely. It can be so incredibly lonely when you’re in a foreign country, in a culture that isn’t your own, especially if you don’t speak the local language and only know other foreigners (as opposed to knowing locals).
Living abroad is hard. It is not the “perfect” life people might assume it is from social media or Hollywood movies. It’s really, really hard. I am in a constant state of missing people and things. I miss my family and my friends, I miss Taco Bell and Target, I miss driving the streets of my neighborhood in my beautiful, beloved Minneapolis.
Whether you’re in England or somewhere else around the world, taking the step to live abroad will definitely bring challenges. These are 15 things that I wish I had known or understood before I moved abroad—and I hope it offers a different perspective, for both Americans, Brits, and people around the world.
EDIT: This is now one of my most popular blog posts of all time. I wrote it at a time in my life when I was struggling daily with pretty much all of the factors discussed in this post. I was also insanely homesick during the months writing this and immediately after it was published. Over the past ~two years since this was published, I have adjusted in a lot of ways, and things have (generally) just gotten better. A huge part of this is having a full-time job with a stable income. I worry less about council tax now that I have the money to pay it each month. I don’t need to stress about finding a job as a foreigner, because I have a good full-time job.
I still struggle, particularly with visa processes, as the Windrush scandal has caused any faith I had in the UK government and the Home Office to evaporate. The UK even issused a forcible deporation order to a woman in a coma. The very real anxiety about visas and my right to be here (and my ability to live with my husband) is something I don’t ever feel will go away. It weighs down on me every single day.
That being said, I do intend to stay here. After the intial shocks and struggles, I do find life much more comfortable than I did when I wrote this post. My visa extension was recently accepted, and I plan on being here long-term. Although, I do still need to get my UK driving license!!
You might also like my posts:
3 Years Of Living In England: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly
What I’ve Learned About British Culture After 2 Years Living In England
What I Wish I Knew Before I Moved Abroad
5 Years Since Nottingham: Reflections On My Study Abroad
Have you ever lived in a foreign country before? What was your experience like? What things did you find most difficult? Share your thoughts in the comments!
Enlightening! I had a great experience in the Luther Nottingham Program and I’ve been guilty of romanticizing the ex-pat experience since I returned to the US. Thanks for the reminder that life is challenging no matter where you find yourself.
Thanks so much for reading, Madi! I also had a great experience with the Nottingham Program, and maybe that’s what’s made a lot of these things feel so unexpected–especially since studying abroad and living abroad are so completely different. I’m definitely glad I didn’t have to pay council tax for the Notts flat!!
This article really resonated with me. I came to the UK 16 years ago and I still haven’t managed to be happy here. I am an EU national and so is my partner. Since the 2016 referendum, the mood and attitudes really changed. It used to be a fairly open country with opportunities and that was the main reason for coming here. The xenophobia / racism issue has become a real thing. The economy took a turn for the worse and I’m frankly struggling to find a reason to stay here. The point about the weather is an important one as it does drain you, but also the fact that if you are not into pubs and drinking, life can be very boring here. Like you I love a good hike and being in nature but where we are down south, you have to travel quite a bit to find a good-ish place. Sadly, the only happy memories I have of the last 16 years all happened outside of the UK whilst on holiday abroad.
Hi Pauline, thanks so much for reading and for your comment. I’m sorry to hear you’ve struggled here as well but I hope you feel a bit better knowing you’re certainly not the only one who feels this way. Best wishes to you! 🙂
I enjoyed the post, though I have never considered that life in the UK is challenging.
My tips:
You should never buy a car from a person who lives in Milton Keynes due to the amount of roundabouts. Hemel has a magic roundabout you can go around clockwise or anti clockwise- you choose!
The NHS is amazing once you are ‘in the system’. Book your next appointment every time you use the dentist.
Only the city centres have big litter problems, market towns and villages are generaĺy spotless apart from the ever present MacDonalds bahs tossed from cars.
The apple generaĺy doesn’t drop far from the tree and British people don’t move far from home. The North / South divide is a real thing… Watford gap is seen as an unofficial barrier.
When the sun shines avoid the coast as it is rammed!
Don’t travel on or near Bank Holidays. Avoid going on holiday during the school holidays.
There is no such thing as bad weather….just take the right kit /coat / fuĺl waterproofs / shorts / jumper and a hat! Everything is better when the sun shines.
The next generation is more tollerant and less racist than the last.
Shop smaĺl and local. Find the best butcher / baker / coffeshop/ tearoom /pub / curry house / restaurant you can. Avoid the multinationals and chains. Re visit the ones you like. If you didn’t like it find a better place. Personal reccomendations are the best way to expand your favourites.
Find a beer you like. Enjoy trying to find it. Some are awfull. Some are ok. Write down the ones you like and seek them out. The same goes for people and places.
Enjoy the best bits.
I hope the positives soon outweigh the downsides
Robert, thank you so much not just for reading, but for such a wonderful and thoughtful comment. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. Some of your tips I sort of know, and others I will be sure to keep in mind! Especially about avoiding the seaside, I went to Scarborough on a warm, sunny, Sunday in April–it was absolutely packed and a bit awful. Thank you for this comment 🙂
Britain is a a “shitshow”. It is devided and conquered by the narccistic class system, which very much has not gone away! The British are indifferent and selfish. The only thing that has changed is that it just gets worse ! I really wish there where some good things to say about it but there simply is not . There are far better more civilised countrys in Europe than this dirty little – daily mail reading – pig of – a – nation ! Truly deplorable HATEFUL COUNTRY.
Hi Gary, I do agree with you that the class system in Britain is insanely frustrating – especially since people here “refuse to talk about money” yet judge everyone else on how much money you have/earn!! There are some good things though, even if it’s hard to remember them – I wrote a more recent post sharing both good and bad here: https://www.awaywithmaja.com/3-years-living-in-england-good-bad-ugly/
After reading your very interesting and enlightening article I cant help thinking you are possibly living in the wrong country, there is always the option of living somewhere where yourself feels a little more comfortable.
Thanks for reading! I have loved England for what seems like forever, and since I moved to study abroad I have always felt like England is where I’m meant to be. Especially as I feel like I don’t entirely fit in in my home country (the US) anymore–and moving abroad just because you want to (as opposed for work or family) is nearly impossible! Sometimes the frustrations of living abroad can just be overwhelming. I am glad you found a different perspective from this post! 🙂
Dear Maja, I read every word and love “going on” adventures with you! My prayer for you is that you find contentment wherever you are, that you see each day as a gift, and sleep each night with knowing you just spent one of your days as one worth worth living for. Kelsie calls me the happiest person she knows, which is sweet. Some of that is that I do just have a natural happy outlook and the other part is that I CHOOSE to be happy. You are such a wonderful, talented young woman and you have so much to give others. I pray that in these simple acts of service, that you will find deep joy. Love you, sweet Maja, can’t wait to see you and Adam at Christmas!! Kathleen
Thank you so much Aunt Kathleen! It can be so hard sometimes to keep a positive attitude. I can’t wait to see you and everyone else at Christmas!! 🙂
Thank you so much for posting this! This is so well said and something I didn’t think about at all. Especially the language barrier. And the trash! what an eye opener. It’s so important to share how we really feel.
I agree, sharing both the good and the bad (whether it’s living abroad or anything else in life) is so important! Thanks so much for reading! 🙂
[…] wrote an honest and very difficult post about most of the downs. You can go ahead and read about my 15 Harsh Truths About Living In England. But this year, I wanted to share something a bit different on this big […]
Really interesting observations. There are lots of things here that I recognise in various ways (including the complexity of driving on the wrong side of the road – but for me that is the US and Europe!). Reading your comments about racism and language/accents, and the desire to travel to England, made me think about my first visit to the UK.
This was my first foreign travel (if I leave out Australia – which like many New Zealanders I think of as more like an extension of home than a foreign country). However, I did not think of myself as a foreigner. Both sides of my family are made up of English, Scottish or Irish going back many generations. The last 4 or 5 generations were in New Zealand, a former colony and a current member of the Commonwealth. But that shouldn’t matter should it? It turns out that it really does though!
When I arrived at Heathrow I looked around to find the appropriate queue for immigration. It took a while for it to sink in that my queue was labelled “aliens”. Far from being a long lost son returning to the Motherland I quickly discovered that I was a true foreigner, with a funny accent and who had to be questioned vigorously to make sure I was going to leave again quickly! I should stress that I am very happy to be a New Zealander but I clearly remember how surprised I was to be confronted with the “alien” label 🙂 And then there was the abject rudeness of the immigration staff – another shock for the long distant colonial!
Love your blog! It is excellent. Look forward to reading more.
Thanks so much John! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I often feel unwelcome by border staff coming through airports, despite the fact that I’ve paid a lot of money in order to live here! It makes a huge difference in a first impression. And I’m glad I’m not the only person who has struggled trying to drive on a different side of the road! Thanks for sharing your thoughts – a really interesting perspective! 🙂
[…] 2-years-living-in-England-a-versary. Last year was pretty hard for me. And when I had my first anniversary of moving to the UK, things were pretty dark. And my blog post reflected that. This time this October, it was much […]
[…] in England for over two years now. Time has flown by! It certainly hasn’t been easy—it’s been way harder than I ever thought it would be. There’s a lot of things about my life that have changed. Some for the better, some for the […]
[…] dream.” I’ve been honest about that—it’s not always amazing. There are a lot of things that suck about living in England. There are a lot of things that are hard about living abroad. I don’t mean to write this post now […]
[…] already talked about how hard it can be living in England. And experiencing this kind of racism and this hateful discrimination makes it even harder. I’m […]
You are so right.
Brits are INCREDIBLY racist. Being polite is just this veneer for passive-aggression where you have about 5 minute window before they start being covertly hostile.
Micro-aggression. “Where are you from?”, “When are you going back?”
As a high-context culture, they don’t even recognize their own passive-aggression. They have no idea what micro-aggression is because they live in this culture that THRIVES on people rejecting each other and being lonely and desperately wanting to make friends but setting so many conditions on what the person should be like, what their job should be, what is their background, so for and so on.
And I swear, there is this such an ugly part of England where people constantly reject each other, it’s like they get their kicks by doing so.
It’s also a society that is VERY status and money conscious (only one never talks about money because that is vulgar), it seems that Brits all care about looks, money, status, what part of the city you live in, as if that’s your true value of being a person.
Also English men are assholes.
Nevermind the fact that suicide rate in England is number one killer for men, but they would rather “put you in your place” than try and be in a relationship with you on an equal footing.
I found that British men are so keen to get to have sex with you (they will never say it) and they keep badgering you about it and putting pressure on you, but if you do, they will be assholes about it, gossiping, spreading rumors afterwards, destroying your reputation. Fine, but why do you pressure women so much to be with you if you won’t at least try to do the right thing and you’re keen to betray her from the get-go.
I also found that British peer-pressure is incredibly powerful. After living here for a while, I found myself saying stuff (subconsciously) to sound more English, becoming more uptight, using British English and even valuing all the external things and being very materialistic. And for the record, I knew who I was and what I valued, but somehow you become like them even without being consciously aware of it.
Oh and the thing about immigrants, when Brits live in Spain, they call themselves EXPATS just so they could have that status they crave very much, even though they “moan” and complain and spread their negativity and create British cultures overseas.
And let’s not forget the culture of BACKSTABBING and treachery. From macro-scale like English history and royalty to Brexit to just day-to-day life where it’s perfectly normal to have FRIENEMES and people who put you down only to say “oh sorry love, didn’t mean it like that, you misunderstood”.
It’s also a culture of pseudo-intellectuals, and how everyone talks about being polite, but is hateful behind closed doors and blames their problems on literally EVERY EUROPEAN COUNTRY, while it’s okay for Tories to go on Instagram and show off their Mercedes and their house in Marbella (of course, those are not the people to blame for British economy, but immigrants! From everywhere!).
Brits hate EVERYONE. I can’t tell you how many times someone shut me out of a conversation as soon as my background wasn’t right or something about me wasn’t EXACTLY WHAT THEY EXPECTED IN A FRIEND OF AS HIGH NETWORTH, they’d give me the silent treatment.
And it just doesn’t make any sense, wanting to be this Empire and yet discriminating against EVERY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD.
One of the worst times of my life was dating British men. That was the time I felt energy sapping out of me and vitality being drained because there was this sadistic part of the English where they get a kick out of rejecting you and shutting you down. Don’t ever make the same mistake I did and let them convince you are are less than because you are different.
I also want to say that not all Brits are like that, but I perhaps met 3 decent Brits in my entire life and the rest were assholes.
Great that London is a cultural mecca and that there are plenty of things to see, but it’s not like it’s accessible to an average person with 1,700 pounds per month living there.
And lastly, I don’t know what Brits would do with social media, omg how they love their TWITTER (to moan and spread negativity), Instagram (to compare and feel bad about each other), I think that people buy into this myth of a cultured country. Politeness followed by micro-aggression and fake friends?
Who needs that? It’s so much wasted time and energy trying to be friends with Brits. Hateful racists. Who needs fake friends? They talk a lot about culture but know little about being a human being.
Hi Cory, thank you so much for your comment. So many things you mentioned, all I can say is YES! The microaggressions (“how long are you here for?”), the obsession with money and status (but of course never talking about money), the passive-aggressiveness and sheer volume of fake social interactions (and frenemies everywhere), the poor political decisions that result in serious consequences which immigrants blamed for, the insane cost of living (especially in London), and the constant double standards…. It isn’t easy, that’s for sure.
I’m also so sorry to hear about your encounters with British men. My husband is English and he’s the greatest guy I know. But in a very short period of being single living in England, dating was difficult and it really sucks that you had some bad experiences! I found that so many guys couldn’t be honest (whether they did like you or they didn’t), and it felt more like playing a game of who-can-care-least (which I definitely know in the US but not to the same level here) which I don’t think is fun or productive. I’m lucky to know many amazing British people, but have also unfortunately encountered some who are not.
I’m heading over to your blog to give it a read now! I hope you’re doing well. If you ever happen to be passing through York, let me know – I’d love to meet for a coffee! 🙂
I can relate to this post somewhat. I am from New Hampshire and I moved to the UK to join my husband in April 2019. But, this is not my first go around. I lived here with him from 2002-2005. And we’ve been going back and forth for almost 25 years. I must be quite a bit older than you. (I’m 42 now) So, I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting myself into with this latest move. However, what is different about this move is now I have my 6 year old daughter with me and we have to make the best life for her that we can. I am noticing that the wait lists for activities for her are ridiculously long. In the USA we had her in Girl Scouts. Here in the UK it is Girl Guides, but I could not get her in a troop. I was told by the leaders that the troops have 2 year long wait lists. Last September I was able to sign her up for a gymnastics class one day in advance. Here, gymnastics is just like girl guides, the wait list is 2 years long. Our nearest ice skating rink is 50 miles away. And 50 miles in the UK is different from 50 miles in the USA. That would take a very long time – so no more skating lessons 😦 The classroom sizes at her school are much larger than in New Hampshire. In the USA it was 18-19 kids per class. Here it is 26-30 kids! After some extensive searching online, I can see that summer camps do exist in the UK. But they are few and far between. Most look like they are in leisure centers. (not actually outdoorsy camps like we have in USA) And none are close enough to us to be a viable option. Day camps and overnight camps in the USA are awesome! We had numerous amazing camps to choose from near where we lived in New Hampshire. : YMCA camps, girl scout camps with the typical camp experiences with swimming and boating on a lake, tents, archery, crafts, etc. etc. It’s good for a child’s soul. The UK needs more camps! I am seriously concerned about what we are going to do for my daughter during the summer when I find a full time job. We live in Dorset in an area with a combined population of nearly 400,000 people in 3 adjoining towns. Despite the large population that you would hope would generate programs…all the activities that I would wish for are non-existent or inaccessible.
In terms of some of the other things on your list: Council Tax is like property tax. I think all states in the USA have property tax. If you were always a renter, you might not have realized you were paying property tax, because the landlord was paying it for you — but you were really paying it to the landlord as part of your rent. I have paid property tax in a few states, and I find that the property taxes in the USA and Council tax rates are nearly equivalent. But I’ve lived in expensive New England states, and of course it’s not the same everywhere. Now… if the rent you are paying here in the UK is much higher than what you were paying in the USA and on top of that you are also paying Council Tax it may seem like a huge burden to you. If that’s the case then the issue is really just that the Cost of Living in the UK is higher. In general I agree that income taxes are more fair than property taxes, and that applies to both the USA and UK. It is not fair for a little old lady with very little income to pay increasingly large property tax when the market value of her home continues to increase through no fault of her own.
Paying 600 pounds as part of your visa is very very cheap for health care. Your visa I assume was for a period of at least 2 years. Was it 2.5 years? That means you were paying less than 300 pounds a year for healthcare. Most Americans pay that for a premium for one month. Even my Obamacare premium was more than that for just one month. And the monthly premium is just the start of it – it doesn’t include all of the bills you receive after your doctor visit for the amount that the insurance won’t cover. And prescription drugs which could be as much as $1000 a month if not a generic. I have had to wait a month or more for routine physical appointments here in the USA. In both the UK and USA they schedule routine non-urgent appointments further out to make sure there is always room in the schedule for same day appointments for urgent visits.
The Tesco’s and Sainsbury’s in our town has pretty much everything under one roof. Clothes, toiletries, electronics,food, etc. Our Tesco is open 24 hours.
I agree – public transportation is just too expensive in the UK. I also find people in the UK in general to be more judgmental and status oriented. I know there were a lot of racial slurs being shouted out at football matches last time I went. I think the football club has a zero tolerance policy for racism, but if no staff member/safety officer catches it,people get away with it. I find myself yearning for my multicultural home town. I wish there were more varying skin tones in my daughter’s class room at school. I miss the people from the Dominican Republic, Brasil, Cambodia, etc. etc.
I have met with some anti-American sentiment as well. I just ignore it.
We only just moved back 2 months ago and I have some major regrets.
But, then again. We have amazing friends here. the country side is so beautiful We can walk to the beach from our house. We can take a ferry to france. All of Europe is so accessible. Very cheap flights. The history and traditions in the UK are just great. We are going to stick with it. We will continue to seek opportunities for my daughter. Are you sticking it out? I realize this post was 2 years ago.
Hi Amanda, thanks very much for your insightful comment! I don’t have kids (and don’t plan on it in future) so your experience with camps/activities is really interesting. I didn’t know there weren’t very many “summer camps” as we would be used to it in the UK! Or how long the waiting lists for activities are!! That seems just crazy to me.
I originally paid £600 for the NHS for 2.5 years of my visa, and as they have now doubled the cost I recently paid £1000 for the NHS in my most recent visa application. This is extremely affordable compared the the US, I know! But my major qualm is that I pay for that through the taxes I pay from my earnings, and it feels unfair to have to pay for it twice over – and when there are many people in the UK who don’t pay anything towards the NHS at all (ie. people who don’t earn an income in the UK). I am more than happy to pay for healthcare so that everyone who needs it has access to it! But to me, it is just one more system that makes life more difficult here for foreigners.
I also grew up in a very diverse city and went to diverse schools growing up. Living in York, where the main demographic is predominantly (white) British, I especially miss the multiculturalism I grew up with and experienced when I studied abroad in Nottingham for a year.
There are so many positives to life in the UK like you say – traveling is my greatest passion (hence the travel blog!) and the opportunities (and affordability) of traveling to different places in Europe is amazing. I wrote this post nearly 2 years ago at what was one of the worst times of my life (in case you couldn’t tell…!). As I’ve applied and paid to renew my visa for another 2.5 years, we want to stick it out so that I can get Indefinite Leave to Remain. I’ve put so much money towards permanent residency already, I feel like I’d be quitting and losing out on the money spent on my first visa application if we moved away (if that makes sense). My husband and I also have full-time jobs (I’m about one year into a new career) and so staying in the UK is much easier for the time being.
Again, thanks so much for your very honest comment. I really appreciate it! I wish you the best of luck as you transition back to life in the UK again! 🙂
[…] no small feat—there are times when literally everything will be hard. I have struggled a lot, and I haven’t kept that a secret. In order to survive living abroad, where every day can be a flurry of activity and cultural […]
Hi maja I do feel bad for you and for me I grew up just outside of London honestly this country is a joke and not a funny one. Our whole ideology the way think is wrong. The way we go out about our business is wrong. There is no patroism any more we don’t come together for anything which is why all our sports teams fail like football rugby. The way we socialize is wrong it’s like we are talking to each other waiting for someone to say something that is out of place without really listening is exhausting🤭 england is not the place to be it’s a dream an illusion!! Ex military soldiers homeless because thet have been failed.Fake homelessness is in record number poncing money off hard working people. Which gives real homeless people not a chance. Most woman you talk to on a night out clubbing or at a pub have grams of coke up there nose. And seems like the only way to get to know them is if your drug addict or dealer. Men on a night hoping for a fight as they can handle their drink or don’t know their limits. NHS is a sham I don’t want to get started on that. 0 hour contracts 😡 which is why work in family business. Even I have lots of work tickets and qualifications. The working class hate the middle class even though most middle class hates upper class. People leave stupid reviews on Great restaurants for bad customer service when read the review it’s totally ridiculous. So people are going to shit restaurants that overpriced. MONEY talks! Another an illusion is that people who talk about money have money in the bank well they fucking don’t just more bullshit. So you get shit Advise from old fuckers at pub who dont work and have never really worked that they are successful🤭 sorry for babling Maja lol honestly just another shite experience at the GP Honeslty if you want to know what’s really going on this country. Talk to me 👍
Hi Jack, thanks for your comment. Sorry to hear about your struggles, and I hope things improve for you!
I’m British and have lived in England my whole life. I am quite well travelled though, so understand what other countries are like. Every place has its good and bad points, although some of the things you say are absolutely true ! What I can honestly say is that most British people like Americans and are very interested to meet them.
Hi Peter, thanks for your comment! I agree with what you said, I’ve had positive experiences with the majority of British people I’ve met – unfortunately it’s the actions of some awful people that are more memorable than the positives. Which was definitely the case for me when I wrote this post! Thanks for reading! 🙂
[…] I published a huge blog post about the reality of life in England. You can read it here: 15 Harsh Truths About Living In England. For whatever reason, it is now my most popular blog post and gets thousands of views every month. […]
Im moving to the UK soon and after reading this post, Im feeling incredibly stressed and overwhelmed. Currently, Im a student. How is the education there?
Hi Luca, it can be tough living in the UK as a foreigner (hence the post), but moving to another country can also be a very transformative and educational experience in and of itself 🙂 The education is good (in my opinion), although professors at universities don’t tend to notice or care about individual students. (This was a huge difference to my college in the US where all my professors at least knew my name!) Most British students are focused on partying as much as possible, something to be aware of if you don’t want to drink/party all the time. Good luck! 🙂
Thank you so much for this post. Especially 7 and 10. I’m British, never ever felt like I belonged (due to family of origin) largely due to 7 and 10 and was absolutely overjoyed when an opportunity came up to live overseas. Unfortunately I’m now back in the UK, still can’t stand the place (although of course it does have its positives) and I have family responsibilities that make me feel like I’m stuck here. I don’t know how to get out. British friends don’t seem to understand what my problem is, but then I don’t think they’ve ever really lived anywhere else they’d rather be.
Hi Carol, thanks so much for reading and for your comment. It can definitely be hard to explain your perspective to others who have never lived anywhere else! I hope you can find and appreciate some positives during a time that I’m sure is tough for you. Best wishes to you! 🙂
Hi Maja. I enjoyed reading your comments about accents. I live not far from you in Durham. The comments reminded me of a family get together we had a few years back. Myself, my sister and my mother were there and we are all from Durham. My uncle who is from here but moved to Hull where he went to uni and met my Scouse auntie were also there. My cousins who have Mancunian accents were there. Then my second cousins who are all from central London came to the party a little bit late! And then my uncle’s friends came up from Somerset! When everyone was talking at the same time once the night went on, the only way I can describe it was noise! I estimate maybe 10 different accents that night! And on top of all that, each county can have different accents. My mam and her partner were raised about 2 mile away from each other and have totally different accents! And also Durham is like a soft Geordie accent, not quite as harsh, but to anyone down south we’re all Geordies. Yes it’s a very diverse country when it comes to accents, I wouldn’t even like to guess how many different accents there are! A LOT!
Oh and one final thing, if you’re struggling to understand Geordies, you can buy a book from Amazon called ‘Larn Yesel’ Geordie’. Priced at £3.50.
Kind regards 😊
Thanks so much for reading, Neil! The variety of the accents are still boggling to me – unfortunately I still haven’t masterd much Geordie yet so I might need to check out that book 😉
I couldn’t agree more on what you have written. I am doing my master for just a year in the UK, Liverpool to be precise. I moved here not long ago, September 2019. This is not the first time for me being away from home but it feels so different. I just couldn’t feel emotionally connected with England. Not at all. It has been 4 months and I am still struggling adapting my life to the university system (so stressful), the weather, the people, the loneliness. I get so depressed when everyday from 6-9pm.
I left home since I was 17 to Malaysia to do my degree then landed a job and worked there for 4 years. It was totally fine. I dont remember feeling depressed or struggled adjusting my life there. But in Liverpool? I just can’t. Sometime I burst into tears. I can’t wait to end my master in this September. Seriously I had never thought it would turn out this way. I had always have a dream to pursue my higher education here but everything turned out the opposite way.
I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way. I hope you are doing fine :). Thanks for the great article.
Hi Lily, thanks so much for reading. I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling – it’s definitely not easy and I can understand exactly just how difficult it is. While I’m sure it won’t help short-term, it must be nice knowing that when you finish the Masters there will be a change on the horizon! Things are much better for me now that I have a stable full-time job 🙂 best wishes to you and good luck!!
I’m a Brit. Living in the USA. All your complaints apply to many states. In particular, California. I can’t vote. California is more disgusting than the U.K. for trash. Americans are obnoxious and self centered pretty much every where I go. I’ve been here 14 years. I don’t think much of what you have said applies solely to the U.K. the United States is the same. I make friends with other Europeans because they are actually “real”. Californians are fake. Oregonians are self righteous. Texans loud and rude. So many states and so many different accents and cultures – not all good. Healthcare – expensive and really not that great depending on the plan you are on. Where I am now in Oregon, it’s taken me 2.5 months to get into the local doctor. So I have to utilize urgent care.
I don’t think the problem is the U.K. or the USA. It’s you and I. You might just be resistant to change. Resistant to different. It’s hard being the “different” one.
When you walk in with rose tinted glasses you are destined for disappointment.
Hi Jane, thanks for reading and your comment. I’m sorry to hear your struggles living in the US, but it’s an interesting perspective. You are spot on that walking in with rose tinted glasses will lead to disappointment – I was very naive about a lot of issues when I moved to the UK. Hence the blog post. This was written several years ago and a lot has changed in my life and my perspectives of life in the UK since this post was originally published.
honey, just so u know, America is a country made up of immigrants and it’s proud of it- of course it has its past but every year this country lets in over a million people- thank you for the post it was valuable information but just keep that it mind- also remember that American can’t let it the whole world or else lawlessness would ensue- borders are part of what define a country- from a black person with african ancestry
Thanks for reading but I’m a bit confused about your comment – this entire post is living about England and my experiences of life in the UK, not focused on American at all.
I lived in England for a bit when I was a kid (Windsor) and I just missed Chick-Fil-A and being able to understand what people said. I can agree with you on having to buy everything in separate places though – the only difference is that I really enjoyed it. Because my dad would take our only car, my Mum, me, and my brothers would all go to the Main Street (it sound like something out of an Enid Blyton novel but I swear we had a Main Street) and spend the afternoon at The grocery stores and clothing stores and our favourite – TK Max! I always viewed it as a fun outing although it makes sense how it would be frustrating. Also, the viewpoint of England as as child must be very different as an adult.
Thanks for reading Jo, that’s interesting to hear what living in England was like as a kid!
Maja
I have been living in London for the last 7 years and it’s gone from bad to completely shambolic. I relate with this post. Everything. I am originally from Sydney, Australia and can’t believe how racist people are here and it really gets to me. I thought Australians in some rural and remote regions were worse but it makes me love and respect my country even more. We won’t be staying here permanently and will be going back to Australia. Thank you for sharing. Your honesty and openness is refreshing.
Hi Anita, thanks for your comment. I wrote this post several years ago but unfortunately I feel the same as you, things have only gotten worse here even since writing this post… and I don’t see them improving during the current pandemic and aftermath of whatever follows. Thank you for reading and best wishes to you in the future, wherever life may bring you 🙂
Great ) a good read thank you
Thanks for reading 🙂
[…] in the park, and if you live abroad you will undoubtedly struggle at some point in time. I have definitely struggled. For me, one of my biggest challenges since I moved to the UK in October 2016 has been […]
This is exactly how immigrants feel when they come to the states, me being one of them … but I wouldn’t have it any other way I love America
Hi Josh, thanks for your comment. Living in another country I’m sure has similarities wherever you are in the world! Best wishes to you 🙂
Hi, I have to say I agree with your post, especially the parts about racism/ xenophobia. It’s become tribal in this country and many are so dumbed down and have no interest in reading about what is going on in the government and the way their opinions have been manipulated. My sadness about how society “is” and the futility of trying to make positive change is only lessened by being around those with similar insights and empathetic and informed attitude. I simply avoid the racist and xenophobic people but when encountering them, instead of being polite and walking away, I literally blank them or make a point to show I’m not one to be hoodwinked (nowadays). It is essential to surround oneself with sane and decent people – the media has to be sifted, adverts are aimed at the general thick population so are generally awful to watch, we are overcrowded and taught to accept a very poor quality of life, and at the same time are taught to be generally condescending to anyone who doesn’t follow a very simplistic and minion like mindset. Classic “divide and conquer”. Quirkiness, free spirited thoughts are judged as fake, but passive aggressiveness is deemed absolutely normal and what’s worse, is encouraged everywhere! You can be a millionaire here but never get away from this toxic atmosphere. And I’m white British, “middle class”, always have been. Wish I wasn’t!
Hi, thanks for reading and for your comment. Unfortunately I understand exactly what you mean – I’ve particularly felt like the racism and xenophobia in the UK has become even more widespread in the last few years. I’m unsure of what the future brings but I can hope that things will (someday) get better. Best wishes to you!
Been here for 18 months and we are seeing the opposite of what most immigrants do: instead of things getting better around this mark, it seems that things are getting worse. I question daily if we should wait it out (and pay the insane ILR and citizenship fees) and then decide to move again, or if we should get out now. Job titles seem so intimidating and work culture has been toxic so far, pay is not good, not at all. I am shocked that the UK has such low salaries compared to the rest of the world, especially when houses are so expensive. I am really torn.
Hi JJ, thanks for reading. I understand completely how tough things can be – but I can’t imagine if the pandemic had happened so soon after I moved! It is hard when the visa costs/fees to live here are so expensive (and average wages are low). I hope you can find peace in whatever you decide to do 🙂
Hi Maja, so funny enough I am also from Minneapolis area (White Bear to be technical) and my long term boyfriend is from the UK. Long story short, him and I struggle a lot on deciding which country we will live in long term. Currently he is living in America and in a year or so he will have American citizenship. I really struggled with liking the UK…. when I went for a 3 month visit when he was in college there were many things I didn’t like. A lot of the things you listed I have issues with and its hard for me to really want to settle down in the UK. So I was googling about moving to the UK and found your blog!! I am sooo sad I didn’t find this years ago!! Anyways, I would much rather stay in Minnesota. With the recent racial issues and the economy in the tank due to Covid and George Floyd my boyfriend really thinks that the UK would be the best to raise a family and settle down. While (I am black female), I get his point but it seems impossible to move there. I would love to get your up to date thoughts and opinions on your time in the UK.
Hi Jasmine, thanks so much for your comment and for reading the post! This post was written in 2017 during probably the worst time in my entire life. I have a bit more nuanced post that I wrote last year that you might find useful/interesting/amusing! It’s here: https://www.awaywithmaja.com/3-years-living-in-england-good-bad-ugly/
Ultimately, I can’t really say what’s best for you – only you guys can know that and decide. But I got your message on Facebook so will message you back on there 🙂
I’m quite irritated with what you have written Jane… Just because what Maja describes is what you experience In the US….. Does not mean it does not hold true for the United Kingdom…. I reckon in my personal experiences all of the country’s in the Anglo sphere are fake…. brits are antagonistic unlike the yanks and just as fake as they are….. We are classist…. I used to live in the Us as a teen I had horrible experiences living there with a thick lower class London accent .. The women there adored it yeah…. But besides that it was quite shit…..i hated Americans but when I think of it they are better then the brits….
Hi Avinoam, thanks for reading and for your comment. There are certainly difficulties living in both the UK and the US. This post was written several years ago and a lot has changed both in my life in the UK and my perspective on living here since then!
Me and my family (husband and daughter) are fighting over my current company to provide me a visa sponsorship to have our UK dream become a reality. I’ve been watching Pros and Cons of living in the UK and by far this is the most brutally honest blog I’ve read. But I think as an Expat living in another country would somehow have racism, cultural differences, language barrier and all other disadvantages you could think of. All must just need to be prepared and be extra patient with the new place you’ll be living in. Always check the positive vibes in the area, do what you need to do, make friends and enjoy the new life you have.
Hi Grace, thanks for reading and for your comment. This post is nearly 3 years old and lots has changed since then! I think there are always challenges or unexpected cultural differences when you move somewhere new. Good luck to you!
A great buy sadly unsurprising post. I’m not sure how I landed on this but it could have been one of my many, habitual, daily, fatalistic google searches including ‘extremely bad life but no help england’. I’m sorry to hear your negative experience of England but it doesn’t shock me at all. I’m a British born but full ethnic minority female, 25, still in this shithole city on lancashire and when I say I’m suffering and getting no help I mean it. I know it sounds dramatic but I’m having such a bad time in every aspect and the very paid professionals in authority who are supposed to help, do not actually do their job including the police, the nhs, the mental health services, the other so called helplines and more. As with every other day of my life, I’m sat up here, deeply distressed, not coping, suffering badly but having not been helped on numerous times of seeking support, I no longer ask for help. I just continue my hours of daily Internet browsing, seeking answers, trying to improve myself. I’ve never travelled so I can’t speak for other countries big I’m guessing I would have a much better quality of life so where far away, somewhere clean, somewhere better,somewhere with people who respect each other, somewhere I belong. Does such a pace exist? Anyway I’m going to blog about my tragedy of a life including what it’s really like to be a hidden, marginalised, unemployed, neglected ‘British’ (but not seen as such) woman especially in a time like this. Thanks Ish
Hi, thanks for your comment. I am so sorry to hear about your situation – I don’t really know what else ot say besides that you’re not alone, no matter how alone you might feel. Hang in there. I’m sure you’ve been on these sites before, but here are a few links:
https://www.samaritans.org/
https://www.mind.org.uk/
https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline
Thanks for your very intriguing post maja.
I can totally relate to the feeling you described in your post.
This is from someone immigrating from south africa to New Zealand.
Although I am a permanent resident here which removes the visa anxiety i once had, I do tend to even after 5 years of living here still live with the loneliness and longing feeling.
I find that some people get over it a lot easier than others but in saying that have a friend that also migrated from sa and that has been in the country for more than 15 years which tells me he still experiences those feelings.
It’s a sense off loss and constant mourning almost.
No one ever said immigrating is easy and whether you ever get to a place where you can happily say I’m content I often wonder.
The fact that you never really feel a part of anything is what I struggle with but in saying that the uk has a fascinating history which draws in a lot of different cultures and architecture that you can really fall into if your one history.
What you described in missing your home town and even shops etc is exactly the way I can describe my feelings and would suggest that it becomes more and more distant as time passes and you create new memories.
I’m not sure of you have children yet but I find it becomes even harder due to a person wanting to share your childhood to a certain extend with your children and also family, yet some feel different.
All I can say is and what I constantly remind myself is that it was a decision I made for a purpose and i wasnt forced into it. The world in the end remains your oyster for exploring and who knows there might be somewhere else that feels closer like home.
In the meantime I am still on the search for my place of content.where I can settle my roots and call home without considering other alternatives.
All the best with your journey and thanks again for your post it certainly brought back some memories of my time spend in the uk some 20 years back.
Thank you so much for reading, and for your comment and sharing your perspective. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way, and like you said it was a decision I purposefully made and the world is a huge, beautiful place. Thanks again 🙂
I’m sorry you’ve had so many negative experiences. I’m British but I totally agree with everything you said. British people really do think too highly of our/their country, like it’s the centre stage. And I absolutely deteste the NHS, it’s the worst free health system in Europe, and one of the things I’m happy to have left behind – I live abroad.
There is alot of trash, racism, the weather’s rainy, the economy really is tanking etc haha. Living abroad for a husband really sucks sometimes, and it can amplify even the most minor of grievances. Keep on moaning and we’ll keep on listening. Hugs. xxx
PS at least you can by jelly doughnuts – here in Japan, know what they put in doughnuts? Beans. Yup. Beans. That was a suprise…
Thank you for reading and for your comment. I wrote this post several years ago and while I’ve adjusted and do feel better about many things, a lot of aspects of life in the UK are still a struggle. Best wishes to you 🙂
I moved back to Uk, 2 months a ago, sold my home in California, car, gave most of my belongings away, mmy dog went to live with a good friend, who he knew, so is happy, as I got fear from Forest fires, state of America, well think I overreacted, big time. The last few months I see, I can’t do life here,driving looks too scary, weather, missing my friends. It’s hard during COVID, have exhausted staying with family, as I am so depressed, not sleeping, got meds but really wishes I had read this blog before, as I had rose tinted glasses, starting again at 60, but want to go back to California, it might have problems, guns, race riots, but it’s the life I know, can deal with,
Thank you for reading, I’m sorry to hear you have struggled here too. I can attest to how difficult driving here can be, but I managed to get my license and finally feel confident driving on the other side of the road! Hang in there and I wish you the best in the future 🙂
It’s funny how Dominic Cummings got 45 K pay rise, and how UNICEF feeds children of one of the richest countries in the world, but we are brainwashed into believing that it’s okay to be spiteful and hateful to people who look and act different. I am so ashamed that this is now our reputation.
Being English and lived most of my life in Australia, I applaud you for bringing this up.
I’m ashamed that we are like this. I’m ashamed we are now known for being racist.
We don’t see ourselves as racist because in our (their) minds, racism is making overtly racist statements, it’s Ku Klax Klan and Alabama or calling Pakistani people “Paki” right to their face.
Racism here is withdrawing your support to people you profile based on their race, ethnicity, nationality, and even class – something that doesn’t sit well with me. It’s these constant jabs and covert hostility “Oh, funny, what are *you* doing here?” or “Where are *you* from?” things mean girls say to you in high school.
Or just the attitude, people rolling their eyes when you speak, treating you differently because you are different, or just shutting you out of work function without any reason given whatsoever so you can’t defend yourself.
Just because we don’t say it outright or just because we see seemingly inclusive programming on BBC, it doesn’t mean there’s no passive-aggressive behavior simply because you are different.
I am aware some people might comment how Australia is racist but it’s nowhere close to what I’ve seen my friends and my girlfriend experience in England. Racism is alive and well in England and anyone who’s lived here long enough can attest to nasty comments and covert hostility.
I’m ashamed that we are like this. I’m ashamed we are known for being racist.
Thank you so much for reading and your comment. I think it’s important to discuss and even though I’m very privileged, I’ve had the “what are *you* doing here?” comments on a weekly basis at some of my old jobs. It’s so difficult but I have to stay hopeful that the future will be better in time!
Hi Maja, thanks for this extremely insightful post. It’s amazing how active it is and the discussions are so current. I’ll start following your blog! I’ve been thinking of moving to UK from Asia but I’ve only started with some real research today. And I chanced upon your blog. Together with some other materials and website I’ve read, the cost and racism is daunting. Maybe I should stay where I am and visit UK as a tourist whenever possible.
Thank you for reading and I hope you found a different perspective from reading the post. Best wishes to do, whatever you decide to do!
What are you doing in the UK ? HAHAHHA WHAT A JOKE… Poland looks more modern than the UK. What a hole.. I wouldn’t live there for free.
I was born here but moved away aged 22. I spent 25 years in Italy and moved back here 8 years ago. I’m desperately unhappy and can find almost no reason to stay. As soon as I can afford to I’ll be leaving. Brexit has broken my heart and my spirit. The weather is so depressing I can’t begin to describe how it makes me feel. I cannot cope with the people, the culture (or lack thereof), the hubris and utterly inappropriate sense of superiority, the appalling health service (believe me, the Italian health service puts us to shame), the food which is the worst I’ve ever tasted, the education system which churns out illiterate, innumerate people for the most part (most people who have English as a second language express themselves better), my list goes on… I’m desperately homesick for Italy, with all its faults. If I stay here it’ll kill me… That’s not hyperbole, it’s the simple truth. I feel no desire to keep going while living here.
Hi Phil, thanks for your comment. I am so sorry to hear you are struggling, although it seems entirely understandable after such a lengthy period away. I’m wishing you nothing but the best, if you are having a tough time with mental health please don’t go through it alone, here are a few links that might help if you need it:
https://www.samaritans.org/
https://www.mind.org.uk/
https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline
on of the best blogs i have ever read it felt like i was in England you know . i have always wanted to live there but now that i have read your post i feel like i have to research more about it. Congrats wonderful essay
Hi, thanks for reading and for your comment – it was written several years ago but I hope it shares a different perspective!
So much of what you’re saying I already know as I’ve been married to a Brit for 17+ years. With that said, we’ve never actually lived in England before and are planning on moving there for good next year. I’m kinda terrified for many of the reasons you list (racism, weather, driving). I’ve already started mourning the loss of Target (while this may sound silly trust me, once you’ve experienced the joys of Target you’d understand). Although married to a Brit and have friends and family from all over the world, I’ve never made friends with British women and I’m worried I never will. Also not looking forward to fielding constant questions about the donald trump presidency and our own problems with racism. With that said, I’m thrilled to be moving closer to mainland Europe and all the travel possibilities (traveling is neither easy nor cheap in the States). Thanks for writing this article, I feel so incredibly seen.
Hi Amy, thanks for your comment – I completely understand about Target, I miss it so much here! I wrote this post a long time ago but I’m glad you found it useful. Best wishes to you! 🙂
Awesome block Maja, you really hit the nail on the head with everything about England that I don’t like either, its like you read mind and have expressed my thoughts and sentiments very eloquently here! I am an ethnic minority woman who lived in Canada for some years before moving to England. Though its been almost 14 years for me here and I am now a naturalised British citizen, I still feel out of place here, like I don’t really fit in or belong here. And the racism and xenophobia is very real, exactly as you said- some British people can be racist, its not always overt and can be quite subtle, just like you said the micro aggressions. I can’t ignore all the times where I’ve been into shops and supermarkets and noticed myself being treated and spoken to differently compared to white British folks, though I speak English fluently, its like they just don’t like that I sound and look different to them. And it doesn’t end there. The differential treatment spills over into other aspects of life too. If you’ve got kids, you’ll notice it subtly amongst school mums during kids extra curricular activities or even during the school run. I hate making generalizations, but most British women are so shallow, bitchy, arrogant and unwelcoming of those who look and sound different to them. I run into the same crowd of school parents on a daily basis for the last 4 years now during drop offs, and even after 4 years most of them still can’t say hi unless I say hi or smile first. It is obvious they have no interest in me and don’t want to know me, so I gave up. Now I just don’t bother making an effort like I did for the first 2 years, and just keep to myself. Off course there are a few exceptions and I’ve met a few lovely school mums who are white British, but these are few compared to the majority who find even a simple gesture of a hello or a smile to be asking for too much. It seems to be the parents of different ethnic or European backgrounds who i’ve noticed have better manners than most Brits. I had no idea before moving here how hard the British can be to befriend and how standoffish they are, and the whole race and class divisions between people are so pronounced here way more than I remember of in Canada many years ago. Unfortunately my experience of the British has not been positive. They are very close minded, judgemental and arrogant people for the most part who look down on others that are not like them.
Thank you for your writing this as it echoes everything that I’ve secretly believed for a long time, but have never been able to express as I’ve hardly made any friends in this predominately white English town where I live.
Hi Sarah, thank you so much for reading and for your comment. I’m so sorry to hear about your experience, as a white American I know I’m one of the most privileged. I can’t imagine what it’s like having kids and being a parent, let alone dealing with what you’ve described! Best wishes to you for the future 🙂
I’m from Hull (near York) and totally agree with your points. It’s definitely hilarious hearing these from an American perspective. (I also lived in the US for a while so know all about the culture shock in another English speaking culture)
Unfortunately these downsides are all true and ever worsening.. I revisited home in 2019 after several years living abroad (I still have no desire to return permanently) and barely recognised it.
Especially the unemployment, homelessness and poverty situation which is far worse than before and also the racism and xenophobia since the Brexit vote.
While there are some things I dearly miss from England such as the dry humour, sarcasm, bangers and mash, yorkshire puddings, a decent curry, salt and vinegar crisps, summer BBQs and the brilliant city of York (I wonder if the big ball guy is still a street performer there), I simply cannot see myself ever moving back.
A really good read for a Yorkshire native and hope it get’s better there!
Hi Jay, thanks so much for reading and for your comment. I wrote this post years ago and while things haven’t been great since the pandemic hit, I do feel like it’s gotten better for me 🙂 I live in York and while I know I’m biased, I truly think it’s the best city in the world – and yes, Man With Big Balls is definitely still doing street performances here! 😉
frankly, you must be mad. i’d give one of my limbs to live in america, or pretty much anywhere else. why would anyone choose to stay in (or even enter) the uk? the people are the worst. the money (all in a handful of people’s hands) rules everything. britain is the worst country on earth, by far.
I am British and have lived here all my life. Some of your points are very true (especially the one about the weather). I don’t think the comment about it being a dirty place with rubbish (garbage) on the streets is true however ! Depends where you live maybe- but I haven’t experienced too much of that in my area of the UK. London is not representative of the wider country- it feels like an entirely different place. When I visit there, i also feel like a foreigner !
Hi Colin, thanks for your comment! I’m sure it is dependent on where you live, but I find that a lot of cities here seem to just have lots of trash while smaller towns and villages don’t tend to have the same issue. Thanks for reading!
I think it’s sad how divisive so many of these comments are. Brits are racist, brits are passive aggressive, it’s a dirty country, there is rubbish everywhere…
I think it’s wrong of people to put a whole nation under one umbrella. Are all Americans loud and obnoxious? No. As in all countries there are wonderful individuals and not so nice individuals and all the variations in between.
I was born in England and have lived here most of my life.
I lived in Australia for a year and was shocked by the racism there and how their indigenous people are treated. Am I therefore okay to say “Australians are racist” absolutely not. I met wonderful warm hearted people too and am proud to call them my friends.
Please remember that Brexit was a shock for all the remainers and it has been unsettling since. We’re dealing with horrific politicians and a media empire to match winding people up every chance they get. However, there are beautiful places in England and wonderful people.
Is there Racism, too much. Are all brits racist? Absolutely not.
I would love to live some where hot but the British summers can be beautiful too.
I don’t usually reply to blogs but there is a lot of hate going on here. I don’t read the Daily Mail, I’m not fake and neither are any of my friends and family. We’re trying to navigate (in our best way we can) a weird and unsettling time in British history. Don’t give hate a chance.
Thanks for reading and for your comment. I completely agree, and perhaps I need to add a distinction in that section of this post – no, not all Brits are racist, I am blessed to know so many kind and wonderful people here and it’s not fair to stereotype/judge a vast majority based on the actions of some. This post was written nearly 4 years ago during a very difficult period of my life, and some of my opinions and perspectives have definitely changed over the years 🙂
Here is what I noticed after 6 years of living in the UK. I will only cite the negatives but it is without doubt a great country with numerous positive aspects, apart from the specific following points (in my opinion):
– weather: constant melancholic greyness that will affect your mental well-being sooner or later. Damp and cold climate leads to mould growth and respiratory diseases. Lots of people suffer from recurring pneumonia and chest infections. Depression is also a real problem.
– Lots of services are a total rip-off and waaaaaay overpriced, including holidays in the UK and access to private healthcare, unless you have a health cover through work that also includes pre-existing conditions.
– NHS: Fantastic if you are dying or suspected to have something sinister, otherwise your pain threshold will be put to the test. There is a severe reluctance to prescribe antibiotics, even when truly needed which can lead to sepsis and life-threatening complications. GP services are unsatisfactory compared to other developed countries. You will be told off for going to A&E unless you have a major fracture/ stroke/ heart attack although UTIs are taken seriously.
– People: although they are mostly polite, have a sense of fairness and WILL help you if you ask, they are often excessively formal which comes across as awkward and robotic in some situations. They despise display of affection as if it was something to be ashamed of and can be hard, unaffectionate with some parents being borderline criminally negligent towards their children (not sure whether intentionally or by ignorance). Also, you will be tolerated but always looked at and treated with suspicion. Making real friends as opposed to acquaintances is almost impossible.
– relationships: someone can seemingly make friends with you one day then bump into you on the street the next morning and not even look at you or bother to say hello. Very strange, confusing and WRONG!
– work: pay is crap compared to rest of Europe unless you secure a high-powered job in London.
– Racism: you are highly likely to experience at the very least subtle displays of it.
– drinking: you better love drinking otherwise you’ll quickly be labelled as boring, stuck-up and not worth socialising with.
Despite all the above, I love the UK.
PS: I came here to be with my English partner whom I love more than anything and NOT to make money. I pay for my NHS care as part of my ‘no-recourse-to-public-funds/work permitted’ visa fees and I have no intention to ever apply for benefits. If things get really bad financially, I’d rather return to my country of birth. As the French say, ‘misery is less painful in the sun’.
Hi Marine, thank you so much for reading and for your thoughtful comment! I agree with pretty much everything you say, particularly about the NHS. When my ex nearly died in a car crash, they were absolutely fantastic with his care. For me to get antibiotics for an infection through my GP, took me about 2 years and several appointments. The weather can also be very depressing, and you really hit the nail on the head about drinking. Drinking culture is massive here and sometimes people just don’t seem to understand (or accept) why a person wouldn’t want to drink! This post is nearly 4 years old and many of my opinions and perspectives on living here have changed over the years. I really appreciate your comment and wish you the best 🙂
What a read!
Even with the lows seem better than where I am and somewhere I’d fit since I’m bitter AF haha.
I’m not willing to give up my remote job though so I don’t think I’m moving there.
Reading your blog now. Cheers!
Hi Freddy, thank you for reading and your comment! This post is many years old (I wrote it over 4 years ago!) and so much of my life has improved since it was published. It does get better and easier over time as you adjust and learn more. Best wishes!
You seem like a pretty negative person.
This post is over 4 years old – I certainly was in a very negative place when it was written! As I put in the update in the end, this was written during a very difficult period of my life, but as time has gone on, things have gotten much better for me and I have adjusted much more to the differences here 🙂 thanks for reading.
Ditto – plus the elephant in the room, classism. Anyone in this situation try out Scotland or Wales? If so, what’s that like in comparison?
So very true, classism is everywhere. This post was written a long time ago and my perspective has definitely changed since then, but I would also be super curious to know if these things are similar in Scotland and Wales!
I’m a Brit and was reading this nodding along… until it came to the weather complaint lol. I seriously will never understand how anyone can see rain as depressing! It’s so beautiful and cosy when it rains, and the plants get a drink. 🙂 As someone who absolutely adores rain and storms the most of all weather types, I can’t disagree more that it’s depressing, and I’ve suffered with depression for the past 20 years. The rain cheers me up, calms me down, and makes me feel very comforted. And it’s fun when it’s really heavy rain! One of my fave things is to walk in the rain too because it’s that nice. I like being warm on a sunny day, of course, but I do not enjoy being out in the sun for too long. That’s what’s depressing for me as it gives me a headache and makes me feel ill. A clear blue sky with the sun beating down is incredibly boring too. Nothing happens! Big storm clouds with rain hammering down = fantastic! And it doesn’t rain that much really, I don’t think. If it does… that’s not England’s fault for being in the position it is on the planet. Many other beloved places on the planet get more rain than we do. Everything else, you’re spot on. Sadly, in most cases. I’ve had people over the years (online) tell me how “lucky” I am to live in England, that they’d “love” to live here or just visit. I think “why?!” lol, it’s a dump. Still, it’s my home so I guess I’m obliged to like it. Well, tolerate it. (Oh, and we actually drive on the correct side of the road… according to something I read a while ago.) If I wasn’t afraid of travelling, especially nowadays, I’d love to go to Canada… and never return lol. But I’m sure Canada has its own problems that I’d struggle with. And I do love living in the UK but if it was simple to leave, I would. I understand this was your view at the time, but I still enjoyed reading this through. 🙂 (And was that Whitby Abbey? I went there as a child on a school trip to Scarborough. It was so bloody windy! That’s the worst weather actually, not rain lol.)
Thanks so much for reading, I think we will have to agree to disagree about the weather haha! I’ve adjusted to the rain over the years (and definitely appreciate the sun when it does shine), but I would still prefer it a bit warmer, with more sunshine, and less rain! But it all swings in roundabouts, I much prefer UK weather to -40˚C windchill and snowstorms that’s life in MN where I’m from 🙂
I’m sure you’re aware but everyone does chip in for the NHS via their taxes. It’s free at point of use but not free. Dental and optical aren’t free either. Some people of certain incomes can get those last two and their prescriptions for free however 🙂
Hi, thanks for reading and yes I am aware of this. It’s been difficult as an immigrant who works/pays tax as along with that, I paid several thousand pounds through the IHS (Immigration Health Surcharge) as part of my visa applications. I understand why they have this in place, it just seems very unfair to make people pay twice over for it in my opinion. The NHS is wonderful and I think nationalized healthcare should be accessible for all people!
Thank you for posting this. I honestly thought that I was the only person seeing these problems. And it takes guts to speak your opinion even when people have something to say about it. Even some comments I read on this article say that you are a negative person or you shouldn’t be in this country if you don’t like it….. blah blah blah I’ve heard it all too. And to be honest someone who comments that in my opinion is really the negative person. All you are doing is stating your opinions which you have facts to back up too. So people just be mad and like you said probably racist. I am currently living in England from the US and I am white and I have had a very good life. I find it hard to say at all that I have been discriminated against. But once you stated in your article you felt the same, I felt at ease because I thought only I was experiencing this in England as an American. I have also tried documenting my experience with being abroad on social media and I lost hope because people are so negative and refuse to see another perspective. I posted on social media about how I was surprised that milk was sold in liters because in the US they are sold by gallon and it’s not something I thought about until I moved to England. Keep in mind my husband and I both workout and lift weights so we drink a lot of milk. I posted that I got four 2 liters of milk and people were posting “fat American bastard.” It’s really not hard to be respectful and nice to people and try to understand another perspective, but I find that people in this country refuse to do that. I have heard so much from the locals that I work with and online about how America is so backwards and we have a ton of school shooting and people are constantly dying to using electrical plugs in their bathrooms. All I hear is this horrific picture of what they think America is when in fact it’s really not like that (and most who make this comment haven’t even been for themselves) and it’s stressful and exhausting having to live through this day in and day out as an American that seems to be hated. While I think England is an amazing and beautiful country to travel, it is a horrible place to live as someone from a different country. Also the people who make comments and say “well just leave,” not everyone is in a position to do just that and it’s a very ignorant comment as it doesn’t solve any problems or have any solution. The racist and negative people in this country are making this experience for me very hard but I am trying as best as possible to see everyone for who they are and not stereotype all Brits as racist and negative.
Hi Rose, thanks so much for reading and I’m sorry to hear you have had a lot of negative experiences here. Especially about denigrating comments, I’m really sad to hear you’ve experienced that. Obviously this post has ruffled a lot of feathers over the years and I’ve had a lot of nasty and abusive comments that I’ve had to just delete. This post was written over 5 years ago when I was really struggling to adjust – while some things have gotten better and don’t frustrate me anymore, there are still things about life here that bother me and probably always will. But the good outweighs the bad 🙂 I know it’s hard, but I hope you can find and appreciate the positives when they come! Best wishes 🙂
Thanks for your post. I lived in the Middle East prior to this and man, has it been a tough transition to England. Several things have shocked me:
1) Rudeness: English people have the stereotype for being polite and passive aggressive. Well, I have found that English people seem to have NO problem being aggressive aggressive! I’m not sure if it’s anti-American bias, xenophobia, or what, but once every two weeks a random Brit seems to go off on me for what seems like a completely inane issue (using the ‘wrong’ trash can, for example, I’ve also gotten making tea the ‘wrong’ way). I’ve lived in several other countries long term, and the Brits are the rudest people I’ve ever encountered.
2) Jobsworths: there seems to be a cultural phenomenon here of folks with (often) menial jobs who relish enforcing the rules to the exclusion of all logic. Bonus points if their target is suffering or distressed. It happens too often to be a few bad apples. For example, when I broke my foot, the pharmacist wouldn’t let me bring a stool to rest on in line for me Rx, because that would be ‘forming an obstruction.’ I asked for a chair instead, no dice. I asked what she expected me to do considering that I couldn’t stand without support. She just shrugged. So I left sobbing, with no prescription.
3) Racism: my non-white expat friends get #1 and #2 but with double the hostility.
4) Colonialism is buried and never talked about: It’s shocking to be here in the UK when in the States, we are going through a reckoning with our racial past. The Brits LOVE mocking American foreign policy and American social issues, with ZERO acknowledgment that they brutally colonized and subjugated a huge chunk of the world, with ramifications that still hold weight today (see Israel/Palestine). I don’t understand how such topics can be buried and ignored.
Hi Rebecca, thank you for your insightful comment. Interesting that you’ve been told off for making tea the “wrong” way, I once had that happen at my first job in the UK where the woman actually told me “you’re in England now.” Talk about hostile!! I wrote this post a long time ago and my perspective has certainly changed, but I think a lot of the underlying issues are still there. Thanks for reading 🙂
This resonated in a lot of ways, but the weird thing is I’m a Brit that moved to the US! Everything except the council tax that is.
Thanks for reading! Now that I’ve been here a while my perspectives have definitely changed, including on council tax haha!
Hi there,
I really enjoyed your post and though I’m British I did recognise a lot of it. Having also lived in foreign countries I also very much understand the need to vent! I do have some points to make though. As someone who has worked with asylum seekers in Britain I do struggle a little bit when I speak to white foreigners or anyone who is here from a rich background who equate their experience with those of “illegal immigrants”. Even if white privilege is momentarily acknowledged. The difference is immense. Even if you don’t know or subscribe to the “no human is illegal” doctrine (quite frankly people should), there is a hell of a lot more complexity to illegal vs legal in this field. Again that is NOT to say don’t complain… If there is one thing about Britain I do love is that grumbling and negativity is a sport! But I didn’t feel from reading your post that you had quite grasped that, eg an American being joked with (I know it’s definitely not always funny) about accents/stereotypes is not racism but xenophobia (I know, not much fun either) and there is a reason why it’s considered ok to say it to an English-speaker and not a Polish person or whatever. I was thoroughly miserable in France for a while because of the xenophobia towards me as a citizen of a country that’s not well thought of (there is no excuse for being unpleasant like that – ever) but I also lived with people living and working there from African countries who had things ten times worse and I would never have even thought about suggesting my problems were racism. Again, that doesn’t make you wrong. Just some thoughts.
Hi KP, thanks for your insightful comment. This post is over 5 years old and my perspectives have definitely changed! I absolutely agree with you, any negative experiences I (as a white, English-speaking American) have encountered here pale in comparison to what others who are less privileged than me will undoubtedly experience. And you bring up an important point regarding the nuances between racism vs xenophobia. The post was really me venting a long time ago, but somehow it still gets a fair number of views! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
[…] went home for Christmas in 2017, the first time I’d been home in 14 months since I moved to the UK in October 2016. I was so excited to see everyone and go to all my favorite places. On the flight […]
I just want to thank you for this article. I am American living in the UK, I’ve been here for three years and am still constantly struggling with my happiness living here. Thank you for putting my feelings into words!
and now i wont be moving to england anytime soon
I’ve been living in UK for a number of years now, still not a citizen – actually now torn apart between not being too far away from becoming one so that I can just easily give it up and on the other hand so disappointed and with sick in my gut feeling that if my hands weren’t tied and my financial options better – I’d rather be packing my bags and leaving elsewhere in spite of years and enormous efforts invested here. I’ll explain why in detail, maybe my story can help someone. I wish I found this blog earlier, maybe I would have had a better perspective or not come here at all. I came here with high expectations yet from current perspective completely oblivious of what I am getting myself into. I’ll focus on the most negative aspects for the sole reason that they heavily outweigh the good things in UK.
1.)Brutal aspects of social isolation here. I only have 1 genuine British friend here, have also made a large number of superficial British acquentances who are nice people for a daily few minutes chat but have led absolutely nowhere in terms having a wider social circle of real British friends with a meaningful deeper connection. Finding a British girlfriend here is mission impossible – dating scene is reserved for locals, and dating is not straightforward like in other countries, if you’re not British born, don’t belong to same class, have same circle of school friends or through family or what not – for an outsider it is next to impossible to find a British girlfriend – they are simply not interested and will judge you from point zero regardless of your efforts. And it’s not just me who feels this – even loads of British born people, especially older generation are expessing the very same problem and finding it next to impossible to connect to other people any more, some say this wasn’t the case ‘back in the day’, now it’s only that much more difficult for non-British born people. I’ve read stories online that people in London cannot find a single friend in spite of spending years there ! It’s heartbreaking and extremely depressing and devastating beyond words really. In many ways living in UK feels like being a social outcast, like a prison sentence, you can make an effort as much as you like but 99% of the population will never take you into their circle, playing hard to get attitude rules supreme in UK.
2.)Racism: One of the first passive-agressive questions here is going to be – ‘where are you from’, not from all people but from the vast majority. I’m white & native English speaker btw. Still the racial profiling starts every time – if you get sick and tired to responding to daft question over and over again, they don’t even have the common decency to stop – but the guessing game starts – so far I’ve been mislabeled as Canadian, from Midlands, Dutch, Scandinavian, Latvian… or ‘I can’t pinpoint your accent’ or ‘I don’t want to be cheeky but you don’t sound like from this and that place’….
3.)Social welfare and housing: Shambles. Good luck getting anywhere with DWP, discrimination through and through, the only thing they need is an excuse to decline you for any support – on the other hand if you’re an illegal immigrant, drug dealer, criminal, smackhead – you get everything on a plate – free accommodation, dole, pips, allowance etc., while hard working British born people and people like myself who have been here 100% legally for years are simply sidelined !
4.)Healthcare: You’re likely to see a GP quicker in a 3rd world country than in UK. I had an emergency recently and needed a dentist – not wanting to put myself through NHS nightmare waiting lists – I was ready to book an appointment with a private dentist, cash in hand – waiting time, guess – 3 weeks, for an emergency !! I can only imagine how long it would take me to get one with NHS.
5.)Personal safety: I’m a performing musician, locally well known street performer. I’ve been assaulted half a dozen times, been target of organised gang of fake beggars, smackheads and drug dealers who are openly ruling the UK streets here and literally covering every busy corner and pitch in town, if you happen to be there – you’re a sitting duck – fists, rocks, anything goes and I mean anything – I even had to go to the hospital to be checked for fractures and nerve damage. Much worse than that police are so corrupt that reported crimes against me, vast majority of them have ended up closed and classed – ‘just a common assault’, refusing even to investigate further, go through CCTV, video footage on the phone or anything like that. As a result I have in recent days been forced to make one of the most difficult decisions of my life – to choose between my very own life and personal safety and my main source of income here ! I’ve lived around the world, been in many countries, there’s hells and then there’s hells, if you’re not here and haven’t seen it first hand – you may imagine UK to a low crime rate country with safe streets and law and order, reality on the ground is brutal and grim beyond words though, crime rates here and zero response from police can only leave one speechless and gutted ! Busy night in town – you’ll see a dozen drug dealers walking by in balaclavas, smackheads, fake beggars, lunatics on ice and crack, gangs on electric bikes raking havoc around town, you name it I’ve seen it all – you may have seen something like this in films but having daily reality of witnessing all this over and over again and being attacked, threatened and harassed countless times is the final straw for me. Paradox one might say – none of these perperators are actually immigrants which media may want you to think, it’s all white British born criminals – and even though they make less than 1% of population, few dozen of them are enough to turn the streets of any town into hell, that’s what’s happened to me and by what I read this is widespread accross UK with like a plague ! While the government, councils and police are doing one big nothing to tackle one of the most extreme problems of violence, drugs and gangs in this country – one can only come to a painful yet only obvious logical conclusion that the government, police and councils are on the payroll of organised crime in UK hence nothing, absolutely nothing is done to clear up the streets.
[…] written a post every year on this day. My first annual post in 2017 was about 15 Harsh Truths About Living In England (this post is somehow still my most popular post of all time!). Then in 2018, What I’ve […]
Driving on the left side of the road is not nearly as challenging as you think it is. Before you attempt it, ride around in a taxi/Uber and pretend you’re driving from the back seat. Your brain should snap to left-side driving quickly. When turning, just remind yourself “left”. I had zero problems driving in the UK.
Hi, thanks for reading. It was very challenging for me. I struggled for several years with horrible driving anxiety in the UK – it took a long time, but eventually I got over it! 🙂
Great article. I’ve lived here my entire life, a UK citizen and I feel I can relate to a lot of this. I would love to move away! That’s what got me onto this article, I was googling for a way out!
Hi Bella, thanks for reading and for your comment. I hope you can find happiness, even if that isn’t in the UK! All the best 🙂