What a century the month of March 2020 has been. At the start of the month, life was pretty normal here in the UK. Adam and I went on a weekend trip to Northumberland, traveling and exploring like normal. Two weeks later, and the UK would be under lockdown. Thanks, coronavirus.
So much around the world has changed due to COVID-19, I can’t even begin to list it here. But I felt like I needed to write a more personal post, because things have been really tough this week. And more than anything, I want to say it to anyone who may need to hear it: it’s okay to not be okay.
Every time I get stressed or depressed or just so down about the current situation, it’s hard not to feel guilty for being upset. It’s taken me all week to stop feeling guilty for my own emotions.
I’m so stressed out about work and working from home right now. At least you have a job, other people lost theirs.
I had to cancel my trip to Norway. At least it was just a short trip, you’re not out loads of money, other people have it worse.
I feel so trapped inside my house. At least you’re not showing symptoms/in a vulnerable category and able to leave the house for essentials and daily exercise.
I’m so worried about my future trips. At least you were able to plan trips in the future, and at least you’re still alive to cancel them if need be.
I’m so sad to be missing out seeing all the spring flowers. Are you seriously sad about this?!? This is not important at all!
I feel like the last week has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I’m trying to juggle adjusting to a stressful work routine, with adjusting to the new reality. And that’s tough.
Every single day something changes. Every day, numbers get better or worse and you don’t know what to do. I’ve started avoiding the news because I just can’t deal with it anymore.
All of that takes its toll and builds up. I’ve felt so hopeless and constantly anxious over the last week. It’s so hard.
But the truth is, we are all grieving and we are all mourning. Our lives and plans are being put on hold and indefinitely disrupted. Our daily routines and habits have changed, if not been completely and utterly shattered. We are missing all those people we didn’t have a chance to see before the lockdown, and all the things we used to take advantage of.
On top of that, the loss of life, whether you feel that in a collective sense or whether it has personally affected someone close to you, is horrific.
And now on top of that, we are all “supposed” to have the energy to be using all of this “free time” to learn new skills like a new language, practice new recipes, work out to new exercise videos, catch up on housework and home projects, start a blog or a side hustle, and in some way, shape, or form be constantly productive???? Yeah, I’m calling bullshit.
It’s okay if you don’t have the energy to learn new skills and use a global pandemic and worldwide crisis to be “productive.” It’s okay to just zone out and watch Netflix. I’ve published one blog post in the last month. I have had barely any motivation or energy to do anything with my blog, which is my greatest passion in this world—let alone create an exercise routine or pick up a new life skill!
It’s okay to just use your energy to survive, take it one day at a time, and get through each day as it comes. Just because some people cope best by staying “busy” and are enjoying that “free time” to do things like Duolingo and baking, doesn’t mean everyone does! It’s important to listen to yourself and do whatever your mental health needs.
The world is in the midst of an unprecedented international crisis that I have never seen or experienced in my entire life. There’s no right or wrong to what emotions you feel.
But it’s okay to not be okay. I can’t pretend that I’ve been fine or happy or enjoying working from home or that I’ve adjusted and feel fine with everything that’s happening. I can’t post on my blog or Instagram like I don’t feel the constant weight of this anxiety.
I’m so devastated that I had to cancel the one trip I’ve been looking forward to for 3 months. I’m so tired after working my ass off through the end of December and throughout January, to have no break on the horizon. From 28 December through to 31 January, I worked 30 out of 34 days. I barely had any days off—and my short break to Norway was the one thing that kept me sane through that. Not only am I not going on that trip, but I honestly have no idea when I’ll be able to travel again.
Traveling for me is when I’m in my element, when I’m most happy, how I relax and unwind and how I enjoy my life. I’m incredibly privileged to do that, and I realize that. But I plan my life around my trips—I’m constantly counting down to the next trip. I plan out my time off work to travel as much as I can. Not having trips to look forward to, plus the anxiety about when/if I’ll be able to travel again has been a lot.
However you’re choosing to cope with coronavirus and subsequent lockdowns is okay. But this is your reminder that you don’t need to act like you constantly have it all together. You don’t have to be productive every single second. It’s okay to not be okay.
No matter how tough things get, the thing that has helped me is remembering that pretty much everyone is in the same scenario. People everywhere have had their lives upended and are struggling to adjust. Millions of people around the world have been forced to stay inside—you’re not the only one. You’re not alone.
Earlier last week I was really struggling and posted about it on Instagram. So many people reached out to me, I was so overwhelmed at the kindness of others. It reminded me that it’s not just me—there are thousands, millions, of other people who are living through this situation too. We’re not alone. That really helped me. And if you’re still reading at this point, I hope it can help you too.
Be kind to yourself today, take care of yourself, and do what you need to do to keep getting through this situation. Stay home and stay safe. Hang in there, and it’s okay to not be okay.
How are you coping with the current situation? What have you found that has helped you cope?
