Where to even start? I’ve put off writing this recap post. And like last month, I would 110% skipped doing it this time apart for the reason that I’ve been writing these monthly recaps for 3 years, and I don’t want to miss out on one. This month, and particularly the last few weeks, have been probably some of the worst of my life. I don’t remember a time when I’ve been more overwhelmed or stressed, when I’ve felt so horrible. I think I have finally hit rock bottom, which is a relief—since things can only go up from here. This has been one of the worst times of my life, and I haven’t shared anything on social media the past few weeks as I just can’t pretend to be okay when I’m not. Here’s what happened in September.
Where I Went
Durness, Balnakeil, Sandwood Bay, Stoer, Clachtoll, Achmelvich, Lochinver, Ardvreck Castle, Knockan Crag Nature Reserve, Ullapool, Corrieshalloch Gorge, Poolewe, Gairloch, Torridon, Shieldag, Applecross, Bealach Na Bà, Plockton, York, Huggate, Sheffield, Castlerigg, Keswick, Buttermere, Fleetwith Pike, Egremont, Rosthwaite, Glasgow, Haworth (United Kingdom)
Best Moments
The NC500 in Scotland. I finished August by embarking on an epic road trip to the northern tips of Scotland—and spent most of the first week of September here. It was truly incredible: seeing Sandwood Bay and exploring Assynt were unbelievable experiences I won’t be forgetting anytime soon. I can’t wait to start sharing some blog posts with you from this amazing trip!
A fantastic weekend in the Lake District. We went to the Lake District for the weekend to celebrate my birthday, as we have every year for four years. The weather was phenomenal this weekend—blue skies and warm sunshine all day, both days! We did a challenging half-horseshoe around Buttermere, and I finally got to see the views from Fleetwith Pike. I have never needed the Lake District more than I did on this weekend trip—I have never relished the views and cherished the moments outdoors more. A huge thank you to whoever arranged the weather for me!!
I’ve had some short trips/daytrips this month that I really enjoyed. I went to Sheffield for the day, and got to meet up with one of my friends I haven’t seen in ages! I spent a few days in Glasgow, since I’d never been—it was also my first time staying in a hostel since the pandemic! Finally, I made it to Haworth in West Yorkshire and visited the Bronte Parsonage and did a great walk (in gorgeous weather!) to Top Withens on the moors. I also returned to the Yorkshire Wolds, one of my favorite discoveries of the summer, and did a short walk about Huggate. I had a good time on these trips and it’s always nice getting out and exploring.
Worst Moments
I’m tempted to write “pretty much everything else” here since this month has been so awful.
But probably the worst is I lost my job. I have now officially been made redundant, and as of 1 November I’ll be unemployed.
I know a lot of people have experienced a similar situation since the ‘rona struck. But for me, there are unfortunately a lot of other factors that my friends in the UK just don’t have to worry about or deal with. As I’m barred from accessing public funds as a condition of my visa, I can’t access any benefits. I get absolutely no government support now that I’ve lost my job—I just need to get another job. We can’t afford to live off Adam’s income alone, so I need to find another job. And it’s difficult to get another job when 1) there are literally so few jobs available right now because of the pandemic/economic recession (which will only get worse when the full impact of Brexit is felt in few months’ time) and 2) it is very difficult to find a good-paying, full-time job as a foreigner in the UK. I’ve talked a lot about the harsh truths since moving here—and while a lot of jobs I applied for I didn’t get because I didn’t have the experience, there were a few where there was literally no other explanation besides that I’m not a UK/EU citizen and am a foreigner here on a spouse visa.
All that aside, it’s extremely difficult for me to go back to job hunting, and I’ve been feeling pretty bitter about it. I’ve already done this, I’ve already struggled, I’ve already juggled part-time jobs I hated to try to cobble together a livable income, I’ve already made a million CVs and cover letters. I’ve done it all already. It has been so depressing and overwhelming.
On top of that, I applied for another job at my company. I went in and interviewed for it, even though it was more work and a lot less money. Going back to my office to interview for that job was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my career. And I didn’t get that job, it went to someone else.
Oh, and I found out I was losing my job on 16 September, the day before my birthday (17 September). Happy fucking birthday to me!
I have also been so homesick this month. I’m grateful that I’ve never been in a situation where I literally can’t go home before. But right now I can’t just book a flight back to Minnesota (even if I could afford one) and that has made me feel so isolated, so lonely, and so incredibly homesick. It’s been nearly 3 years since I was last home, since I saw my sister, since I got to spend time in my city. I planned a big trip home this summer for a reason. And not being able to go has been devastating and I have never felt such pain from homesickness before.
Oh yeah, and our trip to Greece got canceled. Thankfully we had only booked flights and nothing more. And while I’m glad the airline canceled the flights, which means we’ll get our money back, it was pretty devastating. We were both holding out that we would be able to go on this trip. We already had to cancel it once, after Adam broke his leg and ankle in a car crash in January 2019. When we booked these flights for Greece for October earlier this year (back in January), I said to Adam, and I quote!!! “I’m going to go to Greece this year or die trying.” Oh, the irony.
I have accepted the fact that I can’t travel anywhere outside the UK this year. I didn’t get to go on any trips before the pandemic struck, I couldn’t travel anywhere this summer as Americans are banned pretty much everywhere (and thanks to Brexit, my UK residency means nothing as I’m no longer a resident of the EU), and there’s no options for me now even if I did want to travel (which honestly, I just don’t think it’s safe right now). I’m incredibly privileged to travel like I do (did), and I recognize that. But it’s a tough situation for someone who is used to leaving the country on a trip every 10 weeks. This will be the first time since 2012 that I have spent an entire year in just one (1) country. And man, it’s tough.
Please can 2020 just be over now?!? I don’t know how much more I can take.
Posts Published
I had plans to publish lots of blog posts this month, to write lots of new content, and to get on top of my game. I lost all motivation with the news I’m losing my job, and so only published two new posts this month:
High Cup Nick: An Extraordinary And Underrated Hike In Cumbria
Discovering The York Solar System Trail
Instagram Top 3
I gave up posting on Instagram after losing my job. I just don’t have the energy to pretend I’m okay when I’m not. My NC500 photos have proved very popular! Here are the top 3 Instagram posts this month:
Coming Up In October
I genuinely have no idea what October will bring. I have no plans, no trips, nothing. It will all depend on my job situation. I’d like to go for a weekend trip again, even if it’s just to the Lake District or the Peak District. I don’t know if we’ll be able to go anywhere in the UK during the time we should have been in Greece. I just don’t know anything, and not being able to plan is extremely stressful. Hopefully I can survive the weeks ahead, and hopefully get outdoors as much as I can!
Over to you – what was your September like? Any plans for October?
I’m sorry Maja. Sending you thoughts and prayers for a great new position.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it! 🙂
Hello Maja.
I’ve been reading your posts for a year, since it looked as if we were moving back to the UK as our last time here was so stressful and we wanted a do-over without crazy bosses, new-born babies, insane 80 hour week schedules, or civil war in Europe. We wanted a tranquil time full of weekend trips in the UK and cheap trips to the continent. HAHA. Nothing like a forced move in a pandemic, double quarantines, and being taken away us away from our now mostly grown kids who are struggling in the USA (not much better here I am afraid)…but… here we are!
I did do the hike from Whitby to Robin Hood’s bay, partly on your recommendation, so thanks! We loved it and would do it again. I want to go to York, but the Minster’s undercroft (one of my favorite places in the UK) is still closed so waiting for it to reopen.
I am stuck here too, without being able to travel or to make connections. This will pass, it must pass. I went to Eyam a few week ago as a reminder than we as a people have gotten through much worse. It had mightily changed since I had last been there over 20 years ago.
I hope you get back to Minneapolis for a visit. It seemed delightful when I finally got there last year (yikes, it seems longer than that!)
Chin up and good luck on the job hunting.
Hi Barbara, thank you so much for your comment. It was so kind and you have no idea how much I appreciate it. I am so glad you did the Whitby to Robin Hood’s Bay hike, it’s one of my favorites in the country 🙂