This is probably the juiciest post I’ve written in a while, but it’s one that I know everyone is curious about. Over the past few months, I had a couple friends ask me the all-encompassing question: “what’s dating like when you’re traveling and on the road?” So, I figured now was as good a time as any to answer the question with my own personal experience. Settle in, this is a long one: let’s go!
Table of Contents
Dating on the Road vs. Dating in “Real Life”
In many ways, dating when you’re traveling is pretty similar to dating in “real life” – when you’re in a stable location and going about life as usual. Everyone has different goals when it comes to dating, and everyone is looking for different things. People look for someone they connect with, who wants the same type of relationship as they do. People meet organically, at a bar or an event or at the beach or at the gym, or people meet through dating apps (much more to come on that below). On paper, it might not seem all that different.
Long-term travelers most likely aren’t actively seeking out a serious, long-term relationship/partner. Not to say that everyone traveling long-term doesn’t want this. But ultimately, the nature of travel is spontaneous, unpredictable, and inconsistent; and that doesn’t align with what many people want from an ideal long-term partnership.
One of the best dating app bios I’ve read that summed up the situation perfectly was, “Not in your town for a long time, make me stay longer or leave with me.”
Like dating in normal life, I believe it’s incredibly important to know what you want and what you’re looking for when you’re dating. And above all else, to be honest about that! Even if it was difficult, I was open with every guy I went on a date with last year about the fact that I wasn’t looking for or wanting anything serious. And that I was probably moving to Australia, so I wouldn’t be around.
If I’ve met someone, matched with someone, or gone on a date with someone in the last year or so on the road, I’ve been upfront about the fact that I’m not there for long. I’m traveling, and I’ll be moving on. I think honesty is the best policy, and value that above all else when dating – so I make sure I’m clear about my situation with any guy I meet.
Unfortunately, this brings up the Catch-22 of dating when you’re on the road: most of the guys who are interested in or wanting a hook-up or something short-term, are fuck boys. And most of the attractive, emotionally intelligent, and secure guys you meet, tend to want something long-term (which you can’t necessarily give them, as you’re traveling).
Yeah, that sucks. If you’re single and traveling, you’ll learn pretty quick that fuck boys exist in every country, in every culture, all over the globe; they’re not limited to one nationality or continent. (And to be fair, I’m sure that whatever the female equivalent is of fuck boys, exists globally, too.)
There are more Catch-22s, too: it’s especially hard when you’re the one that has to leave. It’s low-key devastating to meet someone you really like, who you have a great connection with, and who you would want to continue dating – only to have to leave them, and keep traveling. It can be really difficult to move on and stop wondering “what if?” when you’re the one that chooses to physically leave, when your plans dictate the end date. While it’s great if your circumstances mean you can combine plans and travel together – which certainly can happen! – that’s not always practical or realistic.
That being said, people do connect on the road, and form meaningful long-term relationships. I would know – I got together with a friend on a trip to Poland, and ended up marrying him. If travel is a part of your life, finding someone who also travels is key. But it can be a bit of a quagmire to get there, and stay there.
Meeting People When You Travel
When you’re traveling long-term you are literally meeting people, everywhere, constantly. You walk into a hostel and introduce yourself to seven strangers you’ll be sleeping with. You show up for a tour and say hi to 20 different people. You pull up in a parking lot, and have a chat with the person next to you. You encounter new people, all the time – because you are in a new environment, all the time.
You’re likely to connect on a deeper level with someone you meet when you’re traveling. First of all, you’re likely both traveling. And if you want to date someone who’s passionate about travel, that’s a good place to start! But on a base level, you’re doing the things you love when you’re traveling. So, the likelihood that you’ll meet someone with similar interests, hobbies, and/or passions is higher when you’re traveling. If you meet someone when you’re hiking, camping, swimming, on a historical walking tour, photographing a beautiful scene – it’s likely that they share these interests, too. (Why else would they be there?!) Finding someone who is interested in the same things as you is simply easier. When you travel, you’re doing those things at a much higher frequency than when you’re home, and (probably) working most of the week.
Yes, you can probably find someone hot to make out with in any bar, anywhere in the world. And yes, if physical hookups are all you’re after, you won’t struggle finding that when you travel! However, I think you meet people you connect more genuinely with when you’re traveling.
Introducing yourself or saying hi might feel intimidating when you’re in your normal environment. Or, you might worry about “coming off too strong” and seeming overbearing. But on the road, you have much lower inhibitions. It becomes natural when you travel long enough. I’m living proof of this: as a life-long introvert, who has often had lots of social anxiety, I can walk into any room and make friends – because I’ve traveled, and traveled solo.
Meeting new people, especially people you find attractive, when you travel solo is particularly fun – a LOT of fun! There’s no one to judge you; there’s no reason to hold back. There’s no real fear of judgement or rejection – you’re leaving and never going to see them again, so why not go for it?!
I’ve traveled solo when I was single in my late teens and early 20s, when meeting foreign guys in new cities was unbelievably thrilling, almost intoxicating. I’ve also traveled solo when I was in a relationship and married, when I was interested in no one else besides my husband. Now, I’m traveling solo again as a single 30-something. I feel like I’ve gone through all the stages of dating when traveling, and now I’m back to my roots. I do whatever I want, and whatever makes me happy.
Dating, Solo Travel, and Safety
You do need to be extra cautious about your safety when dating and traveling solo. There is no one else looking out for you, and no one else to help you if things go wrong. Trust your gut instinct at all times. Always, ALWAYS, have someone who knows where you are and who you’re with.
Before every date, I send one of my best friends a name, job/location information (if I know what he does), and a photo from his profile (if applicable), along with a time and location of where we’ll be meeting. Yes, this might be overkill – I’ve never had a date go so bad that I’ve ended up in danger. But if the worst happened, I know that someone has his details, and someone could go to the police with that information.
Men, please remember that this is everyday reality for women who date men.
If you’re going on dates while traveling solo, I ALWAYS recommend meeting for the first time in a public place, where you know there will be other people. I love hiking, but meeting up in a remote car park for a hike in the wilderness is always relegated to a second-date activity, after I’ve already met the person. Dinner, drinks, coffee, lunch, brunch, museum, beach – these are all great first-date options, where I know I won’t be all alone with a stranger.
It’s important to be careful with drinking alcohol – when you travel solo in general, and especially when you’re going on a date. Don’t leave your drink unattended and drink in moderation; I personally tend to have a two-drink limit when I’m on a first date.
And while it’s unlikely you’re going to get scammed, watch Tinder Swindler – seriously. This goes for both men and women. Be especially cautious of anyone who wants access to your personal details, asks for money or financial aid, or seems to be in trouble. Someone I met in Australia, when I was traveling and living out of my car, told me later he actually wondered if I was going to swindle him!! (I didn’t, obviously.)
I went on a date with an amazing guy early on my road trip up the East Coast (same guy who thought I might swindle him, lol). We went for lunch and a walk, we were having a really nice time, and he offered to cook for me and invited me back to his place for dinner. I told him I needed his full name, phone number, and address to send to my friend, so that she knew exactly where I’d be. He didn’t blink an eye and gave me all his details – it was a huge green flag to me, that he respected my current situation and he understood why I needed to do that.
Last year, I met a Hot Marine (yes, both are capped) at my best friend’s wedding in Florida. I didn’t end up going home with him, for a few reasons, but the main reason was because I couldn’t use my phone in the US. I was worried about how vulnerable I’d be – I was in an unfamiliar city and my only exit route would be calling an Uber, or (God forbid) the police. Neither of which I could do without a phone. Would he hotspot me, or give me the wifi password, if I asked? Or would he see that vulnerability as something he could exploit, and I end up in a dangerous situation? I really didn’t think so, my gut instinct was that he was a genuinely good person. I didn’t know how to have this conversation late at night after drinking and dancing for hours. For me, the risks were just a bit too high, the conversation a bit too complicated – so, I ended up just saying goodnight.
Dating when you’re traveling solo brings an extra layer of consideration. Remember, keeping yourself safe is the most important thing. Don’t feel bad or guilty for saying no, rejecting someone, or getting yourself out of an unsafe situation that could turn dangerous.
Traveling and Dating Apps
Dating – and dating while traveling – is an entirely different scene now than when I was single way back in the day. I correlate this almost exclusively with dating apps. These apps didn’t exist back in 2011, when I first started traveling. Tinder and Hinge were released in 2012; Bumble was released in 2014. Back when I started traveling (and traveling solo), these apps weren’t anywhere near as popular or mainstream as they are today!
As a disclaimer, I can only speak to dating experiences on Bumble, as it’s the only dating app I use. I’m scarred from the number of unsolicited dick pics my friends have gotten from Tinder, and I just can’t be bothered downloading Hinge. Unfortunately, because women have to message first on Bumble, I feel that the app tends to attract a higher proportion of insecure men who are looking for an ego boost and being “pursued.” But that could be a whole article in itself, so I’ll save that rant for another time.
Using dating apps when you’re traveling can be a LOT of fun! I’ve met some great guys who I never would have met otherwise; some I felt a real connection and attraction with, others I felt a friendship vibe. And a few who I didn’t like at all, lol. Dating apps allow you to connect with different people, plan a date for when you’re in town, and hopefully meet someone you hit it off with. Some people may use dating apps purely for hookups and to find someone to sleep with – it’s likely easier to find someone attractive than taking your chances at a bar, I suppose. But a lot of people who use dating apps while traveling use them to just go on a date.
I’ve gone to unique places I otherwise never would have known existed, thanks to going on a date with a local guy. I’ve gotten great travel recommendations and had wonderful experiences, thanks to guys who know their area far better than I do! One of my best dates in Australia went something like lunch and a walk around the marina, 4WDing on the beach, a sunset walk to see kangaroos on the coast, and a homemade dinner. I mean, is that not the perfect Aussie first date?!
However, dating apps can also be very draining and irritating when you travel. I find it exhausting and annoying doing small talk in message conversations – for me, after a few messages, I can usually tell if I’ll vibe/get on with a guy, and want to meet in person. As I’m likely leaving their town soon, I also literally don’t have time to do the back-and-forth messaging for days to arrange something. I’d much rather meet up in person and go on a date – I like when guys initiate this, but I also initiate going on a date a fair amount, too.
No, not every date is going to be a great one. This is the same on the road as it is in real life. You’ll go on dates with people who you don’t connect with, who want different things than you do, who give you the ick or you find annoying. It’s life.
To use dating apps successfully while you travel long-term, I think you need to be really clear about what you’re looking for – to both yourself, and any potential dates. Whether you’re in town for the night and looking for a hookup, or just wanting to go on a date and see what happens, be honest about that! Everyone can manage their expectations and emotions better when both parties are honest.
The Role of Social Media in Modern Dating
Social media is a fantastic way to stay connected with people around the world. I regularly joke that if you don’t watch my Instagram stories daily, you’ll probably have no idea where I am. Whether it’s new friends you make or someone you had a romantic connection/attraction with, social media makes it easy to stay in contact. You can keep up with their lives from afar, and stay in touch for years (or decades) later. Who knows, maybe they’ll come travel with you, or you’ll go and visit them!
In 2011, on my first ever trip to the UK, my friend and I accidentally crashed a private party in a pub in London. We met these fun guys who walked us home, I kissed one of them, and we became (and stayed) friends on Facebook. When I moved to Nottingham to study abroad two years later, I messaged this guy and asked if he wanted to meet up in London. We went out for drinks in Soho and it was a great date. I actually continued seeing him when I’d visit London for the first few months I was in England! I never would have had the chance to meet up with him again if I hadn’t had social media as a way to stay in touch and contact him again.
In 2013, I met a Dutch guy in my hostel in Riga, Latvia. We connected instantly and I could tell we were both attracted to each other. A group of us all ended up drinking in the common room, and then going out for drinks and karaoke. We kissed, but he left early the next morning and didn’t have a chance to spend any more time together. But we stayed connected through Facebook. I knew nothing about this guy besides his first and last name, his phone number, and that the city he lived in had direct Ryanair flights to the UK. A few months later, I flew out to see him in the Netherlands – which remains probably the craziest thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t know how old he was, what he did for work, the address where I’d be staying – nothing. In today’s world, you can sus people out a lot more, but I just had to go off my gut instinct. He was a really amazing guy, and I have never regretted it!
Social media connects us all, and offers a very personal way to stay in touch long after meeting in person. You can reconnect with someone years or even decades later. Don’t be too quick to unfollow or unfriend, you never know what might happen in the future…
Can You Find Love on the Road?
So, this brings us to the million-dollar question: can you find love on the road? Can you find a long-term partner or your soulmate while you’re traveling?
I believe the answer to that is yes, absolutely. You can meet The One anywhere, you don’t know who you’re meant to be with until you find them. Yes, you can fall in love and find your person while you’re traveling.
But I think the real question is not whether you can find love on the road – but whether you can stay together off the road and find or create a life together.
You can fall in love anywhere, with anyone. Your perfect person could be sat across from you at a hostel in Europe or on a beach in Australia. But finding a way to stay together when you get back home and settle down? To have a life together, when you might live in different places or hold different citizenships? That is much, much harder.
I did that, of course. And I can’t talk about love and travel without mentioning my ex-husband. After becoming friends at university during my study abroad, we got together on a trip to Poland. We did long-distance for several years, and eloped in Gibraltar. I then moved to the UK to be with him in 2016. We were together 6.5 years, until October 2020, and married for 4.5 of those years. In spite of everything that happened in the end, I don’t regret it. I loved him very much, and it was what we wanted. It was what I wanted.
I knew we were supposed to be together for those years because I knew he would run with me. After I spent a year traveling all around Europe, he did the same during his study abroad the following year. He had the same passion for travel I did – we had the same goals and dreams of what we wanted our life to look like. I loved that part of me so much – my badass solo traveler self, my independence and my confidence – and I loved that he loved those qualities about me, too. For many years, we had a wonderful, travel-filled life together – constant adventures which left the most meaningful, magical memories.
That being said, there are a lot of difficulties in international relationships that don’t get talked about: mainly visa issues, and whether or not you can actually live/work in each other’s countries. It’s nice and easy if you meet someone of the same nationality, and your original long-term plans are to be in your home country. It’s much, much harder to forge a life together in an international relationship, if you don’t have residency and working rights in the same country – particularly if one person in the pair will be immigrating permanently to be with the other.
Those stresses put a lot of pressure on a relationship. It’s nowhere near as romantic as everyone thinks it is, or what you see in movies. There were times during the long-distance part of my relationship with my ex that I sobbed for days over visa complications, documents, and paperwork. I cried ending a Skype call, missing the person I loved so much it physically hurt. There were times I felt intensely miserable and lonely – it was worse than being alone, because I did have a person. I just couldn’t be with them.
And then there’s the stress of moving abroad and living in a different country – leaving your family, friends, and everything you know behind to move to a new country. Adjusting to a new culture, language, location, and more. It’s tough. It may be the most grand gesture of your love that you could ever make – but it is fucking hard.
I did it once; I don’t regret it. But I could never do it again. And having been through the dark experiences I’ve been through, I would never, EVER allow someone else to move for me.
Finding love while you travel? That’s simple. Staying together, either on the road or back home? That’s a whole lot more complicated. And for a lot of couples, love isn’t enough to weather that storm.
So, You Want to Date a Woman Who Travels (Solo)…?
I don’t think I’ll ever be in a serious relationship again. That may change, and yes I am aware and open to the idea that maybe I might possibly want to have a partner in my life again. But for now, I really don’t think so. I’m at a place now where I won’t sacrifice my peace for anyone. Unless someone can complement my life, in a big way, it’s not worth me changing it.
I am perfectly aware I can’t speak for everyone in this post. Maybe there are some solo female travelers out there who want the fuck boys, who play games and don’t mind wasting their time. But now that I’m traveling solo in my 30s, I’ve realized the other single women my age – who are travelers like me – are on the same page. We’re on the same level, we have the same perspectives on dating and men, we want the same things. So, if you’re wanting to date a woman who travels – especially a woman who travels solo – here are a few things to consider.
We are independent as fuck. We do not need a man. We do not need anyone else. We take care of ourselves, we can and will do everything on our own. But, if we choose to be with someone, know that that is a much deeper commitment than needing to be with them. Because we could be on our own, but we care about someone enough to be with them.
We won’t put up with any bullshit. Don’t try it on us, because we’d rather do life on our own than be treated less than we deserve.
Women who travel solo don’t have time for insecure, egotistical, fuck boys. We won’t build up an ego at the expense of our peace. We are looking for secure men, who are good communicators, to build mutual trust with. Our lives will likely still be adventurous even if we’re in a relationship – so if we can’t trust each other, there’s no point in trying a relationship. Please don’t give us a reason for mistrust, because we’re stingy giving out second chances.
It takes a lot of work for a woman who travels solo to commit to a relationship. But we can guarantee that we will make a wild adventure out of this life together.
Dating while you travel can be messy, complicated, and a lot of work. It can also bring amazing people into your life, give you incredible, unforgettable experiences. Like dating in “real life,” it all depends on what you personally want from both your trip, and from your life.
Maybe you’re traveling long-term and looking for validation or advice. Maybe you’re simply curious, and wondering what dating is like on the road. Maybe you’re just here for the juicy gossip courtesy of yours truly. Whatever your reason for clicking on this article, I hope you’ve found a new perspective here.
And no matter how much time has passed, however fleeting our encounter may have been, whatever the ending was – a special thank you to the wonderful guys I’ve met traveling through the years.
What are your thoughts about dating on the road?
You might also like my posts:
Moving to Oz on a Working Holiday Visa: How to Start Your Life in Australia
Why I Still Travel Solo – Even Though I’m Married
Eloping in Europe: How (and Why) to Get Married in Gibraltar
A Reflection on 5 Years of Independent Travel
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