I’ve been living in England for over two years now. Time has flown by! It certainly hasn’t been easy—it’s been way harder than I ever thought it would be. There’s a lot of things about my life that have changed. Some for the better, some for the worst. But moving abroad was a massive step, and one that I think I’m (finally) settling into.

I try my best to keep it real. I share a lot of wonderful and fulfilling experiences here on the blog. But I also try to balance that with sharing the bad side of things—especially the things that are hard. There’s a lot of things I wish I had known before I moved abroad. Here are some of them.

There will be good days and bad days. Some days you’ll feel like you’re on cloud nine. Some days you’ll be crying into your jar of Skippy peanut butter over a pretty picture of your hometown on Instagram. There will be ups and downs, and some days or weeks or months will be better than others. It will (eventually) even out in the end though. What goes down must come up. So when you’re bawling your eyes out over the fact that Macklemore mentioned Minnesota and First Ave in his new song or staying awake all night worrying about visas—remember that being abroad does get better.

Skyping will be really difficult. I guess when I studied abroad in Nottingham it didn’t matter all that much to me, because I was a student and had a relaxed schedule. But arranging a time Skype with people back home is SO HARD now. I can basically never talk to anyone from home during the week. When I wake up in the morning, everyone I know is asleep. By the time I get home from work, everyone back home is already at work. By the time they finish work, I’m already asleep. Repeat for 5 days. I can only ever really Skype with family and friends on the weekends (weekends when I’m free in the afternoon/evenings, that is!). And it sucks.

You will get homesick. And it will suck. I’m lucky in the fact that I have a husband/best friend/life partner here to support me, and I have since the first day that I moved. Because even though I thought I wouldn’t get that homesick (living abroad is amazing! York is such a cute town! I get to see Adam every day!) … well, I did. I still do. And it does suck when it happens. But it all swings in roundabouts. Homesickness for me ebbs and flows as it does. When I do get homesick, I do my best to wallow in it, give myself time to be sad, and then snap out of it and move on with the rest of my life.

Holidays can be especially hard. If you’re not spending the holidays with your family, it can be pretty tough. Holidays like Thanksgiving are especially hard for me, since I live in a country (England) that doesn’t celebrate or care about the holiday. It’s hard knowing all of your family and friends are together (and seeing a million and one pictures on Facebook) and you’re either not with them and at work like normal. It sucks.

It’s not nearly anywhere as easy as it looks like in movies and online. When people move to another country in movies, the movies don’t show meetings with lawyers about visas and sleepless nights waiting for a passport page that will determine the rest of your life. People don’t talk about how hard it is to set up all your bills (nearly impossible to do without a bank account, and you can’t set up a bank account without having bills in your name as proof of address in the UK!!), how many times you get lost trying to figure out transport in a new city or country, or how difficult the struggle to fit in is. Or even how tricky it is to find a dentist or somewhere to get a good haircut. They don’t show that because it’s not glamorous. But it’s the real truth. Moving is hard enough as it is—moving to another country is even harder.

It can be really lonely at first. Incredibly lonely. The first few weeks after I moved to England, before I had a job, before I met anyone new, were some of the worst of my life. I was so happy to be living with Adam and seeing him every day (the dream!), but I was so unbelievably, overwhelmingly lonely.

It took me a long time to feel like I actually live in York. It wasn’t until I saw a new friend from work in town at WHSmith’s and I said, “Hey!” to a person here that I felt like I actually did live here (thanks for being in the right place at the right time, Flo!). The six weeks before then, I felt like such an imposter. I felt like Adam knew loads of people, and I knew no one. Now due to me having worked multiple jobs in York’s city center, I know WAY more people in York than Adam does! Oh how the tables have turned!

Making friends, finding a group of people, and building a support system is the hardest thing. It is SO HARD to find people who get you anywhere in the world. But when you start from scratch, without knowing anyone, it can be even harder! It’s something you should start on straight away when you move (whether that’s to a new country or just a new city). I am blessed to know so many wonderful people here in York (and in England in general). They make it all worth it.

Finding a job can be really hard as a foreigner. I thought that having a visa would mean companies would be happy to hire me. I didn’t think that companies listed as “Equal Opportunities Employers” (aka companies that can’t discriminate against you based on age, sex, nationality, ethnicity, etc., aka basically all companies) would still discriminate against me. Well, they do. Being a foreigner doesn’t necessarily mean job prospects will think you’re cool and interesting and worthy of jobs. It may very well mean that you’re rejected from jobs you’re perfectly qualified for, even jobs you’ve literally done before, just because you’re a foreigner and/or on a visa. It’s not right, and it’s not fair. But it is just the way things are.

People telling you you’re “living the dream” gets really annoying, really fast. I know that my life abroad looks like a fantasy world to some people. And I appreciate people wanting to share their goals and aspirations with me! But just because you live in another country doesn’t necessarily mean your life is great. And having people constantly telling you how amazing your life is (without knowing how shit it is, too) gets really old, really fast. That’s why I aim to be so honest—and to write posts like this one! So that people can know what the reality of “living the dream” actually is.

It takes a long time to adjust to the currency. When you first move abroad, you’re constantly converting currencies in your head. This is particularly true if you don’t open a bank account (like if you’re just studying abroad for a few months), and have all your money in your home currency! How much does this beer actually cost? How much am I spending in the grocery store? What does this cost in dollars? It took me at least 6 months, if not about a full year, to quit converting everything to dollars and to just know what it is in pounds.

Sending money to yourself to every month pay credit cards/loans in your home currency sucks. I have student loans in US Dollars, and a credit card in dollars as well. Every month, I need to send money to myself from pounds to dollars in order to pay both off. Well, that sucks. It is so frustrating trying to figure out how much money you owe yourself, and how far in advance you need to send it so that it’ll be in your account when you need it. I love my Chase Sapphire Preferred credit card, and I wouldn’t give it up for the world (sign up for yours here!). Using Transferwise to send money between my accounts has made things easier (sign up here!). But seriously, it is so annoying having to do this every month.

 

For the love of god, get multiple adapters. For some reason, I only have one US to UK adapter for my electronics. So when I needed to charge my laptop, camera, and iPod all at once… well, it didn’t happen. Now that I have a beautiful new laptop, this isn’t anywhere near as much of an issue anymore. But why didn’t I just buy another goddamn adapter?!? I could have saved myself so much wasted time. So please, take it from me: buy multiple adapters from your home to your current country.

There will always be some level of culture shock. Even when you’re moving somewhere that is supposedly quite similar to your home country. Culture shock will always exist. For me, it’s the fact that the city I live in (in a developed, wealthy, Western country) doesn’t recycle all forms of plastic. And that I can’t go grocery shopping after 4:00pm on a Sunday.

Racism exists everywhere. Unfortunately, I’ve found throughout my travels abroad that racism is universal. And when you move to another country, you might find yourself as the latest target. I was completely unprepared for the level of racism I’ve experienced in the UK. I had no idea. When you become the foreigner, the racism will matter a lot more to you than it did before. The xenophobic systems can feel unjust and unfair—probably because they are. I wasn’t expecting this and I wasn’t prepared to be made to feel so different and so second-class in this country.

You will lose touch with a lot of people. Sometimes this is for the best. Sometimes it just happens. Sometimes you will feel incredibly, overwhelmingly guilty for it. When you move abroad, you’ll find out who your real friends are. It’s the people you make the effort to stay in touch with—those are the ones that matter. Communication is the hardest thing (if my friends don’t have Facebook, I really struggle to keep in contact with them…) when you live so far away. And over time, you will realize that you’re just not friends with a lot of people you used to be friends with. It can be hard, but it’ll all be okay in the end.

The first time you go home is hard. You’ll constantly feel guilty for not being a better friend/person, for not messaging or Skyping more often. It’s impossible to see everyone you want to see, and do everything you want to do, in that short amount of time that you’re home. The hardest part is realizing everyone’s lives went on without you. Not that I’ve ever thought I’m the center of everyone’s universe. But I realized that everyone just got on with life, and that even though people missed me, their lives kept going without me (really) in it. That’s hard. It’s all hard.

The things you miss most (after your people) are your food and your brands. I miss greasy burgers and Mexican food all the time. The day that Taco Bell UK opened in York was one of the best days of my life—finally I can get my favorite food HERE! You’ll miss the brands you’re used to, whether that’s your favorite cereal, favorite lotion, favorite store, whatever. I constantly miss Target and all of its glory. My parents send me Skippy peanut butter and my favorite Poptarts once or twice a year. You’ll be elated to get a certain type of beer you would always have at home in some obscure, hipster-y, overpriced bar. The food we eat and the brands we buy make up a huge part of our life—and you don’t necessarily realize it until it’s gone.

You will change. Simply put, moving to another country changes you. It has certainly changed me. You become more adaptable, you develop other interests, you become infinitely more resourceful. I have changed a lot, but some of the biggest ways is that I no longer feel the strong passion I once felt for England and its history. While that is still important to me, it is no longer my focus. My main passion is travel and seeing as much of the world as I can. Having the opportunities to explore Europe has been unbelievable in feeding and growing that passion. I’ve also found a lot of new interests and hobbies since I moved—particularly hiking and walking. However moving abroad changes you, trust me, it will change you.

Moving abroad isn’t easy. It’s a huge step, a huge adjustment. It can be exciting and scary and horrible and amazing all in one. There are lots of ups and downs. But these are just some of the things I wish I had known before I moved abroad! I hope it helps you if you’re also in a journey of moving abroad.

Check out my other posts on moving abroad:

What I’ve Learned About British Culture After 2 Years Living In England

5 Years Since Nottingham: A Reflection On Study Abroad

The Stuff No One Talks About When You Go Abroad: Student Loans, Birth Control, And More

15 Harsh Truths About Living In England

Have you ever moved abroad before? What do you wish you had known before you moved?!

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